


A New World

by DTA2013



Series: A New World [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3290321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DTA2013/pseuds/DTA2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was the reason, she was the only reason they existed, how will the team react once the truth is revealed. Will it bring them together or pull them apart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I keep forgetting to place disclaimers so here it is DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters...  
> I also post on FF and fictionpad under DTA2013.  
> ARCHIVING: Only with my permission. I don't normally put this but seems that people are at it again. The only places these stories should be are Fanfiction and Fictionpad. I do not want to have to change the privacy settings on here to only registered users. So please if you find any of my works anywhere other than these sites please inform me many thanks.

**As ever, I do not own criminal minds they belong to their rightful owners…**

**This is very AU not something I would normally do but it just won’t leave my mind…Has been edited these past twelve months….Originally posted on Fanfiction.net As, A world within a world (2012)…**

I sit on the same bench every day, wondering where it all went so wrong, my relationship with the team had fully broken down, my job was taking too much out of me, and the sheer amount of secrets I kept and the amount of cover-ups are eating at my soul.

What would happen if everyone knew the truth?

Would people just carry on as normal or would they panic and turn on each other, because they could not see the difference between the two, who was human and who was not?

Would it really be such a bad thing to allow people to come together and work as one, in protecting and saving lives?

There would always be killers and yes there were some who are monsters, some we had to hide from people because they were totally different, they are I guess mutant though I don’t think that is correct.

They were made to be like us with their own abilities, stronger and faster but they were also made to protect. Though some of them turned.

Yes, they have some of our DNA but not all; they can have relationships and are able to reproduce.

They look normal enough but they are not, they are twisted animals that can sense danger and evil, they can crack and hunt a killer faster than most.

Some are made with intelligent beyond anyone’s imagination, and some can read thoughts. Their abilities are endless they evolve much like humans do.

However, right now I have to figure out what I am about to do. You see two years ago one mutant I guess, had a breakdown and now is locked up in an asylum not that she is dangerous, but because she is more powerful than anything that we have made.

She was born, she was not meant to be, she has powers that scare us. And from what I have been told, she has never hurt anyone. However, she may have witnessed a crime that sent her into a tailspin; something that cracked her very mind and soul.

The boss thinks I am the best person to talk to her, she fears men, hell she fears everyone.

I have seen pictures of her, her eyes seem haunted. I have never seen eyes like that before, they seem to glimmer in the light, even her hair shines, it is like there is an air around her, as though she has a protection shield, but it doesn’t protect her from the thoughts of others.

She hasn’t seen the light of day in two years. How can anyone cope being locked in a cell for that long?

Nevertheless, that was her choice and what she wanted. Or so I was told.

She cannot cope with mankind, but if we can use her as a tool and enable her to become what she should be instead of someone who is hiding away from the world. She could do good she could be a someone not a no one.

Is that not what everyone wants? To have some meaning in this world, to help one another, to feel a connection between someone.

But what if we are unable to? What if we cannot stop the fracture that has broken her.

I read that she had witness her parents death, but we don’t know what happened, how can someone turn on a mutant let alone kill one.

I mean they self-heal, they should not be able to be killed! They should be able to protect themselves, was there a flaw in the chemicals, is there an imbalance somewhere between the DNA.

Was the radiation not strong enough and more importantly when was this type created? I mean she is in her 30’s.

We only started, I guess you can say we only began to make these 10years ago. So how the hell is she in her 30’s? Did someone get her file wrong?

And her parents were older, did someone try this before we extracted the correct DNA and the correct mapping in the devolvement of the gene pool, to manipulate it to what we needed it to become?

We need to understand her and what her abilities are, we have never seen one that has as much power as she has. I guess I will have to explain this at some point in the journey we are taking, but right now, I need to figure this out.

We have just caught someone, we know he did it we know he is responsible for the deaths of 20 children but the evidence seems to have disappeared out of sight. We need her strength and her ability and it is my job to get her to come with me.

This could blow up in our faces though, and the boss does not seem to care. The boss does not care if she puts our unit in danger, yet we face danger every day.

Yes, we have the most dedicated minds in the world, but with her powers, we could do more than that, we could bring more people to justice.

But that is only if I can get her to talk to me, but as I sit here on this bench outside the walls of the FBI, I start to question if we are really doing any good, no matter how many we put away no matter how many we end up, I guess you should say how many we kill, they just keep coming.

The team was strong and we had a tight bond; sometimes we cannot understand Reid but there again for a human he is a genius.

Morgan is like the lion that protects us all though he can go at things in a rush in order to save and protect.

Garcia keeps our spirits up when we suffer the blows of death and mayhem every day.

The files that cross our desks the pictures that we see haunt our dreams. Moreover, every so often they spill in to our real world our wakened thoughts.

Hotch is stern and closed off from everyone he keeps everything wound up so tightly inside himself. It is not a surprise he lost his wife and child. Though they are now in protective custody until we find the man who taunts us all.

In addition, this is also why we need her help, we are missing something that connects everything.

Rossi even says sometimes we are out of our depth because we cannot always see the wood for the trees.

We are a family and a close one, we have to be in order to do our jobs in order to catch the scum of this earth. Even though I have distanced myself from them.

Nevertheless, I wonder if we really are doing any good. Maybe she will be able to tell us if we are, and maybe we can get her to join our team. Since that is really, what this little trip is really about.

We need a 7th wheel so to speak, we need a replacement for our last Agent, but can the rest of the team trust enough to work with a mutant, can we allow ourselves to rely on someone who shouldn’t have been born.

On the other hand, is she something else completely?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**All conversation’s which are in bold are not spoken**

“So we are sure about this, there is no other way without her?” I couldn’t help but ask.

I wasn’t worried about what I may find, I was more worried that these people in this room would ruin everything, it wasn’t just written across their faces, and Morgan already had distaste for anyone that wasn’t fully human which made me wonder if he could accept the person I was going and seeing.

Morgan rolled his eyes slightly at me “Do you really think we would be going through with this if we weren’t I mean come on who wants to work with something more powerful than we can understand have you read her file at all.”

“Of course I have but if she is already damaged what good can it do, could we not be causing unnecessary harm to her? I mean no one knows what she has been through because she has never spoken to anyone”

Hotch sighed softly.

“Reid I know we normally tell you not to but can you give us a rundown of everything you know about her powers before we send someone in to the lion’s den,” Rossi said kindly.

“From what I have read and have found out through Garcia and her lovely skills, she is telepathic which is, well the ability really falls into two categories, Telepathic Communication, which is the ability to transmit information from one mind to another, and Telepathic Perception, which is the ability to receive information from another mind. And it is lead to believe she has both”

“Oh great that’s all we need” Morgan muttered to which I could only glare at him.

“Also similar to [telekinesis](http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Telekinesis), telepathy is an umbrella term for any ability that involves projecting, reading and manipulating thoughts. Which people who have tried to communicate with her believe she has as well, she seems to have a lot of mind control powers she is able to move things without touching, you might want to protect your mind and become slightly vacant. Shouldn’t be too hard for you right?” Reid asked as he gave, a soft smile

“Be very grateful that Hotch made me lock my gun away” I replied in a pointed tone.

“Oh always so much fun, that though is all I have found out now maybe if you play nice as you always do, you can get more out of her, but remember she can control your mind, don’t believe everything you are thinking or feeling. As we are lead to believe she is like a scared child so tread careful and whatever you do don’t talk loud as she will have very sensitive hearing”

“Do we even know her real name or is that something else we need to just figure out, or should I say I have to figure out and can someone remind me why I am doing this?”

Morgan chuckled “Because you’re female and you are the most kindest person we know and the only one we can trust with this, but it may take you a while just tread carefully, we will be right outside the door”

“Oh that’s helpful, I will be in a room on my own with the doors locked which you aren’t even able to see into and you are telling me I will be okay because you will be right outside the locked door” I said as I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Can you two just stop, you can’t go in there if you are emotionally pissed off and Morgan stop winding her up” Hotch said firmly.

It would take us over an hour to get to the asylum and I couldn’t help getting lost in my thoughts, I worried she would be able to sense and feel the things I had done and what I had been made to do. I guess made to do is a loose term. I was forced into it with no other option other than comply.

I hadn’t any choice, it was either I did it or I would end up dead and even back then after everything that I had gone through. I wouldn’t allow them to take my life, so they could use my body as an experiment, I would have no control of what they did, at least if I stayed alive I could have slight control over what happened to me.

Locked up like a rat in a cage so they could figure out what made me so different from them. And to this day I hate what I was forced to do, the only solace was the fact I was able to help with what came out of their experiments.

I guess this is where you start asking your questions in to how and why they wanted to experiment on me.

I am not like the others, I never have been. I had come to learn that at a very young age, I was different and I always would be. The only saving grace was that I was able to hide it, able to control that part of myself.

Though granted when I went on undercover they found out that I was different, I tried to say I was a fast healer but they looked at me calling my bluff so to speak. They ‘trained’ me for hours before I went undercover, beating me to make me tougher, to see just how much pain I could take, but the bruises faded within hours, the cuts on my skin had healed by the next day. I knew deep down once I had finished this assignment I would be thrown to the wolves and have so many tests run on my body.

A stray tear slips down my cheek as the memories flood into my mind. I need to lock it all away before we arrive at this so called hospital.

 

We entered the ‘hospital’ and we are greeted by the nurse in charge “You understand Agents she hasn’t had contact with anyone in two years if not more”

I couldn’t help but sigh, did she really think we would come out here on a whim, without research?

“Yes we understand, is there anything we need to know to keep her calm?” Rossi asked as we followed her down the long corridor.

“I need you to remove your belt watches and jewelry you have on including your hair tie” she smiled at me slightly.

“Oh okay” I couldn’t help how I replied.

“Those are her wishes, from when she came to us.”

“Okay” I swallowed slightly as the metal door slid open.

“Good luck” Morgan whisper as I made my way in.

“Hello?” I called out softly.

I take in the dimly lit room which seemed to consist of a bed, a table which has some drawings laid on top and a room to the side which I could only think was a bathroom or I hoped it was.

I’ve never had a high opinion of asylums. They were for people whom the world could not understand or the very worse criminally insane people that you could ever meet.

Even the most disturbed minds wished they were in a hospital, here you had little freedom and what freedom you did have was confined within your ‘cell.’

I wish I could say room, but aside from what seems to be a bathroom to the side, the room where you would sleep only seemed around 6x6 which is the size of a normal prison cell.

The soft shuffling drew my attention to the far side of the room; the dim light only seemed to cast a dull shadow over the room. However, I could not work out where she was.

“I won’t hurt you,” I whispered as I heard her move slightly.

I could hear the soft tears coming from her as I carefully moved towards her. She looked like a scared child innocent and wild, I stopped just in front of her as I kneeled down reaching out my hand. She flinched away as my hand came near to her.

I heard the words whispering in my mind, the voice sounded soft and kind **“make them stop they are so loud”**

I closed my eyes keeping my voice low and soft “Make who stop?” I asked

 **“They are angry they think too much they hurt me”** Again she never spoke just the words whispering in my mind

“I can’t make them stop” I said softly, as the voice whispered in my mind

**“You think I’ll hurt you?”**

I shook my head slightly before I spoke “No, I did, but now I see a scared woman in front of me and I would like to help you” she shook her head.

I had been preparing for this for the last month learning how to block my mind to keep her away from my thoughts to keep this woman out of my fears, feelings and thoughts.

 **“How do you?”** She asked.

“Do what” I smiled kindly at her. Her body screamed of fear of pain and heartache, her eyes they were more haunted than the pictures I had seen.

“You don’t hurt me” she finally spoke.

I could not help but smile “I don’t want to hurt you” she tried to move away from me to close herself off more.

No one came near her, no one took the time to speak to her, and they just thought she was her because she was insane but she was not. She was here to protect herself from the world outside and from the thoughts that swirled in her mind.

The thoughts she couldn’t switch off, the voices of everyone’s pain and anger cut into her like a steel blade ripping through glass causing it to shatter into a million pieces.

Her eyes told of unspoken horrors and tails, the worry that was enhanced by soft blue eyes, her blonde which seemed glimmer in the dim light.

I looked at her, she looks as though she had not eaten for months. I studied her for a long time.

“Can you come out of the corner I promise I won’t hurt you” I asked softly.

I wished they hadn’t picked me for this, yes I would admit I was good at reading people extremely good with children and those who suffered mental impairments which had come to light when I met Jane at the police station and at the train station before Frank had pulled her in front of the train condemning her to her death.

She looked so small and scared as I moved back slightly.

“What do you want?” She asked, watching my movements.

“I just want to talk to you if that’s okay” I said kindly.

I had already been in the room for half an hour and so far, I had only managed to get her a few feet out of the corner of the room. If my mind was not already strong and my compartments were not so tightly wound in I knew that this small childlike person could break through them. And that was something I did not need.

I was guarded at the best of times, I joked and laughed with the team but I would keep my emotions so tight to my chest they all waited for me to explode. However, I was kind and caring, my loving nature and protectiveness of people had helped me to be held to the highest respect that a person could be.

I was told long ago I would make a good mother and that they could see me with kids because of the warmth and the safety a child felt when I was near.

Rossi always saw the pain in my eyes knowing that I had in fact been pregnant and had an abortion at a young age. I could not settle with anyone aside from Amy, but right now I wanted to protect this young girl in front of me. In addition, protect her from the world outside.

I closed my eyes for a moment, my head was swimming as though someone was sat inside my mind. I wanted to be sick. I have now been in this room now for two hours and I feel like I have been working out in the gym for six hours with Morgan and then hit with a 2x4.

Is she doing this to me? Is she messing in my mind trying to break the walls down and get into my soul?

She is so young but if I do not go out that door soon Morgan is going to come charging in here and destroy everything I have been trying to build with this girl. I do not think I can class her as a woman, she is so childlike, but I cannot help but sit and stare into her eyes. I feel like I could drown in them as though they are pulling me into her soul and I am allowing it.

She is watching so intently that the fabric of my very soul begins to scream. I did not even know the tears were falling until she spoke.

“I am sorry” she looked at me so sadly and my heart just went out to her.

“It’s okay, can you believe that I am not going to hurt you?” I ask her, she is still hiding but now she is under the table watching me, she gives me a slight nod and my heart warms slightly as I smile.

I know though if I do not get out of the room right now I am going to be overrun with emotions that could break down the walls that I have built inside.

“Can I come and see you tomorrow?” I ask.

I need to get out of here but I also need to find out her name so Garcia can check more information. The name that is on her file I doubt is the truth. She nods at me

“Can I ask your name?” I ask hoping I have gained enough trust for her to answer me and not fear me as she does the rest of the world.

She nods at me as I smile softly “Jennifer Jareau” it comes out as a whisper and I cannot help but smile her voice is raw with emotions and as though she has not spoken in her life.

I smile as I make my way slowly to the door, this is going to take longer than I thought but I just can’t stay in that room too long my head is already killing, my emotions are getting the better of me and my god I don’t even think I want her to have to help us.

She is just too young she maybe older but she is a child and a scared one at that. The door opens as the team step back waiting for me to leave. Morgan gives me a look but I refuse to speak until that door is close until I know she won’t hear us or be hurt by us. I have this strong desire to protect her and I am not 100% sure why.

“So how did it go and why do you look as though” Morgan started

“I am coming back tomorrow and Morgan just drop it, I am tired and could really do with a coffee,” I say harshly

“Are you going to tell us anything or not?” Rossi asked me.

“I will once we are out of this building okay, just please get us out of here”

Hotch looked at me, the last time he had seen me this emotional was when my friend had been killed “Emily” he said softly my head snapped around as I glared at him.

“That in there isn’t a woman, she is more like a terrified four year old child and you expect me to what, drag her out into a world that she can’t even cope with, to do what damage her mind even more than it already is?” I snapped at him.

Morgan stepped between us both “Princess, just go for a walk and calm down.” I know he is trying to help.

I glared at him. “I am calm, I am too calm for my own damn liking, but right now I want to know who the hell has done that to her. Who has made her so fearful what the hell happened to her Hotch!”

He sighed, “We don’t know, did you get a real name for her or is she really called JJ?”

I laughed, “I think that is a shortened name for her, look I want Garcia to run background on her something isn’t sitting right we me, no one should look that haunted. Hell even Gideon didn’t look that haunted”

Rossi sighed “Are you going to tell us her name or shall we stand out here listening to you”

I growled slightly “Her name is Jennifer Jareau so now can we please just get back and allow me to go and speak to Garcia” I sighed opening the door to the SUV.


	3. Chapter 3

The drive back seemed to take hours, there had always been tension between Morgan and myself. Years ago we use to be so close, we were more than partners, but now, now it is as though a steel wall has been placed between us. Only I have placed the wall between us.

I no longer fully trust him, I no longer feel he has my back. He knew that trust we once had, had been destroyed. Amy keeps telling me I’ve to talk to him, that I need to work things out between us. I know she is right but this is not the time nor is it the place. The last thing I need is us crashing into a wall or ploughing through traffic. Maybe once this is all over. Or once things have settled down maybe then we can talk and work through it all. But for now we will stay as we are, colleagues and nothing more.

I am just unsure if I can forgive him.

I can sense him watching me even though his eyes should really be on the road, my head rests on the cool glass soothing my headache slightly.

“Prentiss what has you so tightly wound up, I know you like to keep things to your chest, but my god it doesn’t take a profiler to see something happened back there” Morgan said softly.

I sigh slightly, it takes so much control not to just bite his head off or tell him to leave it, but even though there is a tension between us I can’t just ignore him, I have nowhere to go no excuse to say I am too busy. I am trapped in a car with him and my only option is to answer him.

“You remember Jane and how everyone misunderstood her,” I said as though I was recounting the first moment I saw her.

“How could we forget” his voice seemed soft but I sensed the sarcasm behind the words

I raised my eyebrow slightly “Jane was made that way, she wasn’t born like that. No one believed her that something had happened, they just side-lined her as a crazy person and she was not. She was lost and I saw that look in her eyes it was fear, panic but also calm all at the same time”

“And that has something to do with that woman in there?” Morgan asked.

“That’s the thing Morgan she isn’t a woman she is a child in a woman’s body.” I sighed

We pulled into the underground parking lot. “Emily you can’t save everyone you know” he said softly resting his hand on my shoulder.

I couldn’t help the slight flinch at the contact or how I responded to him “Don’t you think I know that? Hell Morgan this is not about saving her. This is not about catching that bastard that killed those children. This is about a woman who seems more haunted and in more pain than anyone, I have ever seen before. This is about that. What if we get her here and she cannot function or we do more damage than good to her. Can you really live with knowing you have destroyed a child and if you tell me she is an adult I swear to god the last beating I gave you will be nothing because this time I won’t hold back”

Morgan held his hands up “You may want to settle down before you go and see Garcia.”

I shook my head as I opened the door, I couldn’t even reply to him. The banter between us had long passed I had so much anger built towards him. Even though deep down I knew it wasn’t his fault. I knew deep inside that he wished he could turn the clock back. But if only it was that simple, if only the clock could be turned back and everything could and would carry on as normal. Those are dreams and wishes each one of us hold deep inside ourselves.

* * *

 

I walked into Garcia’s cave I knew she had seen me coming and I also knew how she hated people not knocking but right now I can’t give her that. I haven’t in the past few months, I was closed off from her and I knew it hurt her deeply.

“God Emily what's wrong?”

I rolled my eyes “Am I that transparent today?”

Garcia laughed “No I just know you too well and you haven’t greeted me like that since.” Garcia paused and I knew why, even she couldn’t utter the words or even the name.

I nodded “I need you to run a background search for me”

Garcia smiled “That is what I do best peaches”

I gave her a half smile “Jennifer Jareau, I want everything Garcia and thank you”

“A pleasure as always Agent Prentiss”

I couldn’t help shaking my head slightly “How many times are you going to call me that this month?”

Garcia turned around pulling up my search programs as she spoke “Well when my Emily is fully back and not so vacant and snappy I will”

I laughed “Thanks for that”

Garcia smiled “See there’s my Emily”

* * *

 

I made my way back into the bullpen “How did it go?”

“I have got Garcia running a search hopefully we will have something in the next hour or so, I am going to head down to the gym”

Morgan nodded as they watched me turn back around. “Something happened in that room” Morgan said softly

“You only just noticed that, she seems angry and worried like she did when she met Carrie,” Reid said.

“Yeah I know, but I am so not going down there to talk to her”

Reid smiled “Worried she will kick your ass again”

“Nope worried she will kill me instead”

Garcia rushed into the bullpen “Where is she?” Garcia shouted as she stopped at Emily's desk

“The gym taking out her frustration, what's wrong babygirl?” Morgan asked.

“Just go and get her and meet me in the conference room” Garcia said as she made her way up the catwalk towards Hotch's office.

“Garcia?” Hotch said as she walked in.

“Hotch I need you all to see this, Morgan has gone to get Prentiss and sir she is going to throw a fit”

Hotch looked at her “You want to give me a better warning as to why?”

Garcia shook her head “Not really, she was already pissed when she asked me to run the search don’t need her knowing that you knew before her”

Hotch smiled “You know she wouldn’t hurt you”

Garcia laughed “I know, but I also know she shoots first and then asks the questions”

Hotch nodded “Where is she”

“Gym Morgan has gone to get her” with that Garcia made her way into the conference room setting the files down on what she had discovered.

* * *

 

However, now they all just had to keep me calm, which was not always an easy task.

“What did you find Garcia?” I asked as soon as I walked into the room

“Jeeze, please tell me you weren’t working out with someone?” Garcia said.

My hands where cut, my jaw looked as though I had been smacked in the face and that was not including the sweat that was dripping off me “Just tell me.”

I couldn’t answer her question, when Morgan had entered the gym I was in the middle of sparing with someone. Though I will admit he came worse off and I am sure he was grateful when Morgan interrupted us.

“Right the files are in front of you” Garcia waited for us to open them “Jennifer Jareau has been missing for the past 24 years; she was kidnapped from a friend’s house when she was four years old. Her real parents are” I couldn’t help cutting her off as my temper finally came out slightly.

“HER PARENTS ARE FUCKING HUMAN!”

Hotch looked at me “Calm down Prentiss” he warned slightly.

“Calm down really? Someone did this to her, she was a normal child for god’s sake. A child, not a test subject that offered up their body. But a frightened little girl so do not tell me to calm down. Do you have any idea what they have done to her and no doubt put her through” I glared.

Garcia swallowed “There’s more” she watched me for a moment waiting for me to settle back down somewhat “There has never been any sightings of her until 2 years ago, I ran background using her name and JJ mixed in, I found something that seemed to point towards a type of house that looks like a fort of some kind. Like they have in England,”

I sighed, “She hasn’t had contact with people for 24 years has she?”

Garcia shook her head “I doubt it, but they did get her age wrong.”

“I don’t think we should correct it just yet.” Rossi said calmly.

“No 28yr old should look so haunted and scared, I think I can guess what they did to her” I said in a soft sigh

“But that could also explain how the two mutants were killed” Morgan said

“So she is a killer” Reid said causing me to snap

“You are telling me being held for over 24yrs turned her into a killer if that was true I would be dead, but I am not. She is still a child regardless of age, she is scared and if anyone of you try and hurt her, so help me god, you will know the full extent of my temper”

Morgan and Reid backed up slightly “That wasn’t what he was saying Prentiss and you know it. You and Reid are normally on the same page. Yes she more than likely did kill them, so yes she is a killer but not the type that should be locked away; she needs someone to understand her”

I sighed “Sorry Reid, just things like this make my blood boil and if any of you comment about that”

Rossi chuckled “Emily Prentiss sit down so we can learn and look at this more and then maybe you can help her, but also we need her to help us”

“Do you think she will?” Hotch asked looking directly at me.

I slumped my shoulders slightly “In all honesty Hotch, I don’t know, she is scared hell it took me half an hour just to get her out of the corner she was cowered into”

Hotch nodded “Right let’s get some rest and work on this tomorrow, we still have 91 hours to break him for a confession”

“Yeah 91 hours” I mumbled under my breath, before collecting my things before heading out.

“You think she will be alright” Morgan asked

“She has to be, she is the only one who can do this, and the last person that went even within a foot of her door has spent the last 9months tied to a hospital bed” Hotch said softly

“And we didn’t tell her this because?”

Rossi laughed “You really want to tell her that, the CIA trained her, she took on the most dangerous criminals in the world long before she joined us, so if you would like to tell her then go for it but it will be your funeral” Rossi warned

“She is still going to be pissed when she finds out” Morgan said sadly.

“Yes but she will have calmed down by then and maybe she will have relaxed” Rossi said with a slight wink.

Morgan laughed “Even bourbon couldn’t make her relax”

* * *

 

I could not go home, there was nothing there for me Amy wouldn’t be back till tomorrow, and there was nothing there that could ease my mind. No one there to say that we were doing the right thing, because I do not believe we are.

You see this all started some four months ago, our unit consists of two teams when we are on stand down they cover. We are what they class as team one and if you have not worked it out. The other is team two.

They had stumbled onto a grave site as such, and it wasn’t even the case they were working on so they had two separate cases and just when things couldn’t get any worse for them, they stumbled on to another grave site in the end they had found four different sites and they wouldn’t listen to me and Reid when we told them there will be a fifth.

Even though it was not our case Reid and I were intrigued. I guess two nerds who wanted to put a puzzle together so we did it in our breaks and off the clock so no one could say anything.

The sites where nearly making up a star and if they could just find the last one it would be a five-star and we needed to know if the point was at the top or the bottom. In addition, yes that would have been the most important piece of this little puzzle. However, we never found it, they had found a guy and he was linked through DNA and other evidence that had been found.

Now this is why they are team two. Twenty bodies have been found so far and I am sure there will be more, but the idiots trusted an outsider to bring the evidence to be processed. I mean how stupid can you be. If you find the evidence you makes sure that you, yourself that it gets to the correct place, not rely on someone you do not know.

This is what happened it had disappeared. Therefore, four months hard work was spiraling out of control. Therefore, our stupid idiot boss woman. God I hate her. Madam Strauss, even the name is enough to give children nightmares.

She came up with the bright idea of setting me up with this team, which would spend the next month getting me to block my thoughts from others. I was trained by the CIA and Interpol to do this, so I had to pretend that I did not know how to do it. How the hell do they think spies are able to deceive so many people?

I mean my team didn’t know about my time there until it was nearly too late and then I ended up spending 6 months in hiding in order to live. They all hated me when I came back, Morgan was so broken.

But still I could not and would not allow my feelings to show but they did when John got caught in the crossfire of the bullet, we didn’t even see it coming only when his body fell to the ground and I blamed myself for that, for a whole year to the point I nearly turned in my badge and gun.

I was trained to kill, I was trained to hate and destroy those who stood in my way, I was a monster back then, and people feared me even my old boss did. Nevertheless, when you strap someone to a chair and beat them every day just so you can harden and break them, you make a monster.

They trained me for a full year before I went on my mission. In addition, that mission changed my life when my eyes fell on that small child; he wanted me to bring him up as a killer with no morals, no concision and no respect for them around him. He was my solace, it was why after the raid I brought him here and gave him a new family and somewhere he would be safe with the only person I have ever trusted.

And now they have brought that side of me out again, I have to now harden myself again but how can I when I looked into her eyes, they nearly screamed at me and I think, if her eyes could have spoken they would have and that is what has led me back here in the middle of the night without my team without my back up.

I am here alone because I need to be. I need her to trust me and for some reason I need to allow her in, but I worry if she sees the full extent of what my past holds I could be in fact putting myself in danger and I don’t care. This girl needs my help; maybe it is because I could not save Jane all those years ago.

This girl needs to know that someone does care about her or did care about her.

Is my maternal side showing again or is it a complete sense of understanding of the mental break down and knowing what they may have done to her. I was there when they started these experiments and even back then, I told them they were playing at being god and no one should do that because it will never end well.

However, they did not listen then and they have not listened now. In saying this, maybe it is a good thing, this girl has been through so much, is it wrong to want to be allowed to show her a kindness, she more than likely has not seen since she was a baby.

“I don’t care about the time, I need to speak to her I was here earlier today”

I swear I want to knock this stupid nurses head off, but I need to stay as calm as I can as she leads me down the corridor, yes I will admit 1am is not the right or best time but I can’t settle. I need to see her and I need to do this alone.

“Ma’am you cannot take that inside” the nurse says looking at the paper in my hand I raise my eyebrow at her.

“Paper is not going to hurt her and it sure as hell isn’t going to hurt me now open the door” I think my voice tells her not to disagree with me because the door is starting to open as I make my way in.,

“I will wait outside for you.”

Again I turn to look at her “I wouldn’t bother I will be awhile and I would rather her have someone around who isn’t going to hurt her”

Morgan always says that my glare could kill someone but she ran back down the hall leaving the door to slide closed behind me as I make my way in.

“Jennifer” I keep my voice soft as I walk in slightly, last thing I want is to scare her more than she is. Has no one shown her any type of love?

**“You came back”**

I don’t mind having a conversation with someone who answers me through my mind “I did,” I smile softly as I scan around trying to locate her.

“You came alone” she spoke this time, her voice is so sweet and soft, I can’t help but smile

“You are right again, I didn’t like leaving you earlier” I know I need to be honest with her and I knew I had to keep calm.

“Why do you care” I close my eyes slightly as I try to find the right words but I can’t my words cannot explain why I can’t leave her here.

“You don’t belong here” and I am truthful again because she doesn’t belong here.

“I don’t belong anywhere” I look at her, her eyes shine in the dim light.

“You do sweetheart” I couldn’t help the word that slipped out but it was out there now and I couldn’t take it back even if I wanted to.

“I don’t, they told me” I couldn’t help the frown that appeared on my face as I spoke

“Who told you that sweetheart” there it was again that slip of words.

“My keepers”

I looked at her in shock, how could anyone tell a child that they do not belong here? How could someone make someone feel so much hurt and I know she is hurting because I can feel her pain.

Not through, her doing anything I can just feel it, as I could with Jane. Like I could when I saw Reid convulse on the floor when he was kidnapped. Do I allow a compartment to open so she can see and feel what love is or will it do more harm than good?

“Who brought you here?” I ask because I know everything we learnt before we came here to meet her is a lie and I need the truth.

I need to know why someone so young is locked away like an animal as though she was not allowed in the world that once welcomed her with open arms, she suckled on her mother’s breast, and she had known love once. But now, now she only sees and knows pain and fear. Why did no one notice? How could someone keep a child hidden from the world?

“The men who came” I looked at her for a moment

“What men sweetheart” I asked. I think I know what she is going to say

“They had suites and guns and badges and funny letters but I couldn’t see their thoughts, just like I can’t see yours. Are you going to hurt me as well?”

It was in that moment I knew, I knew what I had to do and it would be my life I was risking and I did not care. She needed to know and she needed to see that not all humans were cruel and mean.

“I can let you see but I worry I will hurt you and that my sweet girl is the last thing I want” she keeps her distance from me, her eyes study me.

It reminds me of how Reid and I would work on the murder board while the other three are confused about what we are doing and thinking.

“Jennifer, you don’t have to stay here”

I keep my voice soft, and I know I am right she doesn’t have to stay here, no one can make her and no one can stop her from leaving either and if they tried they would have to get through me. And that is something even the CIA could not manage.

Jennifer moved closer as she studied me “Who are you” she asked.

I couldn’t help but smile “My name is Emily Prentiss and I work for the FBI but I also can promise you I am not here to do you any harm”

I saw a spark in her eye, it was as if the lights switch had been flicked inside her as she moved closer. I kept still as not to scare her, but I was in shock as she curled up on my lap.

I wrapped my arms around her as I whispered softly “You’re safe now no one is ever going to hurt you again”

I felt her nod against me, her body became heavy and it was with that I knew she was asleep and that is when my mind wondered to how long is it since this poor girl had slept, she didn’t even look like she had eaten properly in months as I can only feel the bones beneath the skin and the lack of muscle worries me.

I rock her in my arms as you would a baby her head resting just on my chest as my heart beat soothes her. I keep her close to me as I lay down allowing her body to curl into mine. I know I should not have done it but I fell asleep holding this small woman in my arms. Happy knowing she was safe from harm even if it was just for one night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I must have only gotten a few hours’ sleep, which with the job I have I am use to, but I cannot move yet, as my fingers run through her hair. She is sleeping and right now, you would not notice she is a scared child, she looks adult until she opens her eyes that is. I wish I knew why they are so haunted.

I knew what treatment Declan would have gotten if he had been found as Ian’s son. That was why I hid him and faked his death, but this right here, feels like the day when they stormed the villa.

She mummers slightly as I continue to run my fingers through her hair. I just pray that when she wakes she remembers that she fell asleep in my arms and doesn’t panic, her fingers are wrapped that tightly around my top, which I need to keep tucked inside my pants. I don’t need her to panic if she sees the scars that lay beneath. It has been the second time a scar hasn’t healed and vanished, the brand which laces my chest and the scar from the table leg.

I was so ashamed back then, so ashamed of what I had done all those years ago, but I can’t change it, I was so disgusted with myself, with my own body, sometimes I could feel my skin crawl as though it also was ashamed. Though with the help of Amy I can now see past it, I can now see my body the way she does.

* * *

 

 

“What do you mean you can’t find her?” Hotch asked.

“I mean I can’t find her, did you think I was saying it to trick you?” Garcia said with a hint of sarcasm.

“Well Amy rung me to ask where Emily was and then informed me that Emily hadn’t picked Declan up last night, she is on her way back.”

Garcia frowned “Sir she wouldn’t leave that sweet boy alone” she sighed “Hotch I can’t even get a signal off her cell”

Hotch sighed “Keep looking and the second you find something ring me and Garcia this is important”

“You think I don’t know this is important Jeeze last time she disappeared she nearly died” Garcia said in frustration as she rolled her eyes just as he closed the door behind himself.

“What have you got Morgan?” Hotch asked as he walked into the bullpen

“Well her car is still here and she isn’t in the gym” his shoulders slumped slightly.

“That woman is going to be the death of us all” Rossi said walking up behind them both “And no one has been to her house” he said handing both Morgan and Reid their morning coffees. Hotch raised his eyebrow at him “In your office, you really think I would forget you?”

Hotch nodded slightly “Just find her, Emily is not one to just vanish without a very good reason” Hotch said before making his way up the catwalk.

“Considering Emily’s mood when she left last night it might be safe to say she needs some alone time to regain strength and build her compartments even higher since she said she was going to go back and talk with her again” Reid said as he sipped his coffee.

“She wouldn’t would she?” Morgan looked at Rossi

“You mean she wouldn’t go off on her own and deal with something without the team as back up and her not fully knowing what she is walking into” Rossi said with a pointed look.

Morgan cringed “He is going to kill her”

Reid looked at them confused. “Did I miss something?”

Morgan shook his head “Yeah kid we think we know where she is” Morgan said picking up his phone

“Yes I am running the searches and no I don’t have anything more”

“Whoa babygirl it’s me, who rattled your cage” Morgan said softly

“You mean beside Hotch and Agent I can take on the world alone without anyone’s help”

Morgan had to hold back his snigger at the rundown of Emily, “Can you check with the asylum and see if my princess turned up there” Morgan asked.

“Damn it why didn’t I think of that”

Morgan laughed “Because you don’t sit up here listening to Reid babble hit me back babygirl”

“I will my love” Morgan shook his head.

“I don’t babble” Reid said defensively

“Yeah you do kid, it is just that Emily stops us from saying anything”

Reid frowned slightly “Morgan you don’t think that Emily is”

Morgan laughed “No she isn’t kid, trust me on that, I think she has been through more things than we can ever know about.”

Reid smiled “I think Amy knows”

Morgan laughed, “I would hope her wife would know. Look kid let it go. Emily is Emily and no matter what she has done we will always be there for her and pull her back before she destroys herself again”

Reid nodded “I don’t like the fact that she has had to close herself off from us like she has”

Morgan sighed “I know kid but trust me when this is over we will get our Emily back, I know none of us like her that much right now but remember it was Strauss that made her do this, it wasn’t Emily's choice.”

Rossi laughed, “Yeah and she did it with her arms wide open because she feels like we have betrayed her. We might not get her back this time” he warned as he looked at Morgan.

“We will get her back and we need her back” Reid said giving them a worried look

Rossi nodded “I know we do kiddo, but maybe she has been pushed too far this time”

“This is Emily we are talking about, we will get her back just like every other time we have had to bring her back from the brink and if we can’t Strauss is going to have a hell of a lot to answer to” Morgan said.

“You know if they had listened to Emily years ago none of this would have happened don’t you?” Reid mumble.

“What do you mean?” Morgan asked with a confused look across his face.

Reid shrugged “She always said the mutant gene was playing at being god and one day it will bite everyone is the ass. Hell she even had a bad feeling about this and from what we have learnt about this JJ she was right, so what else has she been right about?” Reid asked.

Morgan sighed, “I don’t know kid. All I do know is it took us a year to get her back and now we are losing her again”

Reid smiled “I don’t think we will lose her, plus Amy would kill us if we did”

Garcia rushed into the bullpen heading straight towards Hotch’s office “Babygirl?”

Garcia shook her head letting a comment fly around them “He is going to kill her” with that they all followed her up and stood in the doorway as she spoke to Hotch “Sir, I found her” she said softly

“Where is she?”

Garcia moved slightly “The asylum according to the nurse she arrived at 1am and hasn’t left yet”

“SHE DID WHAT!” he shouted “Just what the hell does she think she is playing at,” he shook his head “When will she learn we are a team”

Garcia sighed as Rossi spoke softly “Strauss brought Lauren back, we didn’t send Emily there Hotch”

Morgan groaned “Damn it”

Lauren was heartless she was cold and untrusting, she was your worst nightmare, she would kill you rather than look at you and god help anyone who crossed her.

Those were the warnings they had been given nearly two years ago and now they had brought that back out in her Amy even feared Lauren. Hell even the CIA would not have anything to do with Lauren,

“You know she isn’t Lauren, if she was she wouldn’t have gotten so mad when she saw that JJ was born human” Reid said softly.

“That really doesn’t settle me, because if she was born human that means they have done unspeakable things to her as a child and that is something even Emily would bring Lauren back for,” Rossi warned.

“Yes that is true but also Emily would never do that in front of a child and that is how Emily referred to her as a child,” Reid pointed out.

* * *

 

“Shh, your safe Jennifer” I whispered.

I ran my fingers through her silken hair, Jennifer whimpered in her sleep as she kept tight hold of my top, I smiled sadly at the now shivering form next to her as she pulled Jennifer closer “I’ve got you sweetheart” I whispered in her ear hoping to calm her down or wake her at least.

She closed her eyes slightly as the thoughts entered her mind **“Why are you so sad”**

I smiled softly “I am sad because someone did this to you sweetheart”

Jennifer nodded against her “I remember everything”

I looked at her in shock as the words filtered through my mind.

“I remember everything that they did” Jennifer’s voice was soft and more of a whisper as she spoke “And you understand”

I swallowed hard as I nodded softly “I understand, Jennifer you don’t need to explain if you”

Jennifer moved closer her breath tickling my neck I swallowed again the thought flashed through my mind so fast. I should not have come here.

“I was staying at my friend’s house we were having a sleep over. It was warm and the window was open, they came inside. I was not asleep but my friend was I cannot remember her name, they took me told me I was theirs and I had to be a good girl. The man scared me and I didn’t make a sound, the woman though she glowed bright like peaceful.” She explained

Jennifer stayed curled into me as she spoke, I kept quite running her fingers through her hair as she continued talking. Though it seemed she was more rambling than speaking but for now all I could do was hold her close and give her as much comfort as I could manage without opening my heart.

“They put me in a big car, she stayed at my side, I missed my mommy and daddy, they told me they didn’t want me that I was theirs, and they took me to a big house I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone. My room was pretty it had princesses and castles on the walls, and a bed with four posts with a vale hanging over it, she told me it was called a four-poster bed. They gave me dolls and food I do not know how long I have been there with them before they took me into what looked like a dungeon they put me in a room with a metal door and no window, they told me that was my new room. I didn’t like that room.”

I pulled her closer into my body as I continued to run my fingers through her hair “You don’t need to tell me if it hurts too much sweetheart” I whispered feeling the shudders that came from Jennifer as she spoke. I could feel her pain like a steel knife being dug into my skin.

The way Jennifer was talking I was reminded of a small child. I couldn’t help but pull her closer making soothing sounds deep in my throat as I listened to her talk.

“They injected a needle into my arm. It hurt so much, not like the shots the doctor gave me. I could feel it running through my body; I screamed it hurt so bad, I guess I passed out because when I woke I was in the room again. This time though I was strapped down to the bed, the chains were so tight that they cut into my skin. I felt like my insides were burning with a deep fire that ran through my veins trying to escape but it had no place to go, time and days didn’t mean anything to me, the room was so dark and dank sometimes they would turn the dim light on which only casted a shadow over the room. But it hurt my eyes”

I felt her tense against her “Jennifer what's wrong”

She whispered “They are here” the voice echoed in my mind as she looked towards the door

“Who sweetheart” I felt her shiver as she spoke to me in my mind

 **“Men angry men. You’re in trouble** ”

I groaned, “It’s okay I promise” I said softly as Jennifer moved over towards the corner away from the voices that were now screaming in her mind.

I could feel and hear them also, I wanted to groan I knew what was coming I also knew that each one was upset with me aside from Reid who was confused which was nothing new. I knew Reid understood me more than anyone on the team, he had done so much research on me, when I found out how much he knew. I was so scared he would tell the others or hate me for who I am. He proved me wrong, he has never said a word to anyone, and he has never questioned me about what I have done or asked about what happened to me. The only person who truly knows everything is Amy and the CIA and that’s only because they were the ones which used me as a so called lab rat.

I gave a reassuring smile as the door to the room opened and I stepped outside.

“Just what the hell do you think you are playing at Prentiss” Hotch glared at me. I walked past him ignoring him as the rest of them.

We stepped outside into the harsh light of the day before I turned on my heals glaring at him “I am not playing at anything Hotch. You sent me in there to do a job and that is what I am doing”

Morgan sighed, “Princess, she is dangerous,” he said calmly though he now wished he had not said anything.

“Dangerous! She is dangerous? Are you kidding me. I could do more damage with my little toe than she could.”

Reid walked towards me “Emily” he said looking sadly into my eyes, I raised my hand resting it against his cheek

“I am still here Reid I promise” my voice soft and gentle as he nodded

“Why did you come here?” he asked. They knew that I would never aim my temper at him as I would the others, there had always been something innocent and childlike with Reid and I knew he had already had enough pain to last him a lifetime.

“She doesn’t belong in there Reid”

He frowned slightly “What do you mean”

I motioned him to walk with me away from the team. “She isn’t dangerous, she is scared it is as though she has never seen kindness or love in her life and no one should go through that” my eyes begged him to understand what I was meaning.

“You have a connection with her don’t you?”

“Yes. A deep one Reid” I closed my eyes “I want to take her home with me. But I know they will kick off”

He nodded “They might but Emily since they fear you, they might let it slide but you don’t know what you might bring out with you. What will Amy say and will Amy be safe. You are not the only person who lives in that house Emily. She may seem childlike but what happens when she gets out into the world and cannot control the thoughts of others, what happens when she senses others pain and anger. And what if she turns it on you or Amy?”

I gave a warm smile “Reid you forget sometimes who and what I am don’t you”

He nodded softly “I know you Emily, I know you better than the team but what if you’re wrong this time what happens then?” He asked

“If I am wrong I will deal with it, Reid my home is set up for people like her I can’t turn my back on her just because her mind is fractured, I can help her with that and you know I can. I can teach her how to block the thoughts out and how to become numb to it all”

Reid sighed, “You know one day you will have to tell the team right?”

I smiled and laughed “Yeah because that will go down so well” I rolled my eyes “Spencer listen to me” I said as I lifted his chin so our eyes locked with one another “No one will ever know about me that is a secret that is long buried inside of me, inside of the CIA and inside Interpol. Moreover, I trust you to keep my secret, I get the impression Jennifer knows, though she has not said anything. But Reid they can’t know and you understand why don’t you?”

He nodded softly “But you’re not a mutant Emily you never were”

I winked at him “And I never will be, but I am the reason they exist, it was my DNA that helped. I warned them all Reid and they didn’t listen and no one will listen now. I know what she went through I know what they did to her because I have seen what they tried in the past and god help me it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it”

He ran his fingers softly through my hair. “Be safe Emily, and try not to lose your temper when they try and go against you” I nodded as we made our way back towards the team.

“Well?” Morgan said as he looked at us both

“Well what?” I said with a slight glare

“You know what Emily it doesn’t matter you don’t trust us you never have; you will do what you want and fuck anyone who tries to help you. When will you understand you don’t have to do everything alone?” Morgan snapped.

I closed my eyes, “I never said I had to do everything alone did I Derek. This was never my idea. I think I remember telling everyone to leave it alone but no one listened to me. So I came here and what I found in that room is less dangerous than a beetle!”

Rossi cracked a smile “You sure about that kiddo?”

I nodded “More than I have been sure of anything in my life and that is why I know you will never understand what I am going to do” I glared at them. “And since I know you won’t allow it but maybe you will then understand why I tend to do things alone and on my own. I am taking her home with me” I looked straight at Hotch as I spoke

“No way Emily” Hotch said as he shook his head

“Did you have the common sense washed out of you in that room or something” Morgan said. I took a deep breath trying to keep myself calm and my anger under control.

“Hotch you cannot stop me from taking her home, you have no control over my personal life. And also this was your idea to get her to join the team, so what is your choice” I asked, my voice was too calm even for Hotch’s liking.

“No matter what I say you’re going to do it anyway aren’t you” I smiled.

“There are so many things you will never understand or see but if you trust me as much as you all say you do. You will trust me enough to allow me to do this allow me to take her away from this hell she has known and the pain that she has felt in the past. Now I can do it without your support but I would rather do it with your support.” I looked at Rossi hoping that one of them understood me.

“It’s not about trust you Emily it is about trusting someone else with you that could in fact kill you” Morgan said carefully

“She is not going to kill me, she isn’t going to hurt me, I will do this and you know what will happen if you even try to stop me”

My eyes looked dangerously at Hotch “Prentiss you have our support but if this goes wrong it is on your head.”

“And good luck convincing that inside there” I glared at Morgan

“You know for such a kind-hearted man you can be such a bastard” I growled.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

I walked past the team climbing into the SUV to head back to the BAU; I had so many things to sort out. Firstly, I needed to get hold of Amy and explain things to her; she has been away all week at a conference. I know she may not be best impressed, not with the fact that I want to bring a stranger into the house, but because I have not spoken to her first. Though she knows me, and I do tend to do things without talking to her first, and after being with me for 20 years she knows me well enough.

I sit in the back of the SUV allowing Reid to sit in the front with Morgan, my head rests on the cool glass, I can feel the anger coming off him, and I can feel the hurt he has inside. We are not close anymore, the trust I had with him has long since gone and he knows it.

I nearly lost everything, well I had lost everything a few years back and I nearly lost my wife.

Amy says I should forgive him or at least talk to him about everything. Nevertheless, each time I try. Each time he has tried, it has ended up with a shouting match neither one of us wanting to back down.

Many times over the past two years we have ended up sparing in the gym, each time I would not hold back. Each time I would allow my anger to fall on him. Part of me wonders sometimes if it really is him I am mad at, or am I angry with myself for not protecting her.

The silence has fallen over all of us as Morgan pulls up at the stop sign.

“Have you even spoken to Amy about what you are planning on doing?” Morgan asked, there was no malice in him just the sheer amount of anger and now worry.

I would have been fine if he hadn’t have brought Amy into it.

“I have told you before Morgan, what goes on with Amy and myself is no longer your concern” I couldn’t help it, every time he spoke her name my blood boiled my anger came out and each time it did, I knew I hurt him more.

Each time he tried to speak about anything to do with my personal, life was like having a red-hot poker hovering over my heart.

“Emily, don’t please” Reid said in a whisper.

I settle down slightly before I answer again.

“I will talk to her, which is all any of you need to know” I think the tone in my voice warned them both not to try to bring it up again.

Part of my anger is guilt, and part of it is aimed solely at Morgan. Amy has told me many times I need to forgive him. I just cannot, I cannot forgive someone who ripped one person out of my life and put my wife in a wheelchair and killed our unborn child.

Maybe it is selfish or maybe it is because I cannot bring myself to forgive him or myself for what happened.

He was speeding, Jordan and Amy were both in his car, he was asked to slow down, and Amy had asked him a few times to slow down that rushing to the hospital wasn’t a good idea.

In addition, Morgan being stubborn did not listen. I know they never saw the other car.

The other vehicle hit them head on, Morgan broke his nose and arm he also cracked a few ribs. Jordan had died on impact and Amy even now it hurts to think about it.

Amy was four months pregnant when it happened, we had found out we were being blessed with a babygirl just two days prior but the joy had been short lived.

The speed at which they were travelling at and the speed that the other car was going hit with such forced that it threw Amy backwards first then forward, the seatbelt had saved her life but has left her paralysed from the waist down though with the help of therapy she is I guess recovering is the correct term.

Just the other month she moved her leg only slightly but it was a good sign a sign that the therapy she was having was working, they had said after the crash that she may regain use of her legs but it is a slow process. I guess the only blessing was I did not lose her as well.

The car came to a stop I had not even noticed we were in the parking lot of the FBI I had been too lost in thought to even notice.

“Are you coming?” Reid asked me as Morgan stepped out of the car.

“Yeah sorry” I mumbled.

I knew he saw the unshed tears in my eyes, each time I thought about it, each time Amy had tried to talk to me, each time she would try and explain it was not his fault. It just hurts too much.

Amy knows everything about me, after the experiment’s had been done and they had run all the tests they wanted to on me. It was Amy that picked up the pieces, no one else.

Amy has always been my strength and she always will be, but that is also, why I will not do anything until I have spoken to her.

I know Amy will not say no I also know she will fully understand why I will need to do this. It is why I have brought so many so-called mutants back to our home, I feel and I am responsible for them.

The ride up in the elevator is one made in silence, Morgan too hurt to talk, Reid worrying I was going to snap again, we were all grateful when the doors opened.

Garcia greeted us in the hallway flinging her arms around me “I so want to kick your ass, do you know how worried I’ve been”

I could only give her a soft smile “Sorry” I watched as Garcia shook her head slightly.

We made our way into the bullpen, each of us grateful to be able to have a coffee.

I pulled up short as I turned into the small kitchen “Amy!”

I could not help the smile that took over though I regretted it when she rose her eyebrow at me “You and I need to have a little talk” her voice was firm as ever. I could only nod in response.

“You can use my office,” Rossi said as he handed Amy her cup.

“Thanks” I could not help the sarcastic tone help in my voice.

Reid handed me the much need coffee as I took Amy's cup off her before we headed into Rossi’s office.

I was not sure what and if anything had been said to Amy as to where I had been. She was not due back until the end of the week so it puzzled me as to why she was back so early.

I closed the door softly behind us placing our cups on the table. “Amy,”

She cut me off I should have seen it coming really.

“Where have you been?” Amy asked me, I could only sigh slightly.

“I was at the asylum,” I knew better then to ask her questions when she had so many for me.

“You forgot to pick Declan up.” She said with a pointed look, she looked at me softly. “Emily nothing makes you forget that little boy, so I know there is a very good reason for all of this but I want answers” she glared at me slightly.

I nodded “I met the girl that Hotch” I sighed, how was I meant to explain this?

Nothing like this has happened before, the ‘mutants’ came to ours when they had first been turned or when they were in trouble or they were struggling or I had brought them to our home, but this, this was so much different.

“What girl?” Amy asked, I had told her I was going to meet a young lady, but I had left out the specifics of it all.

“The one I told you about” I replied. “Amy” I could not help the tears forming in my eyes. “Someone did this to her” I said almost pleading with her to understand.

“Emily, talk me through what has happened” I can only nod in response. For the next hour, I explain everything, from the case to me going to the asylum to me going back there last night.

“I want to bring her home,” I said looking straight into her eyes.

Her hand reaches towards me as she cups my cheek rubbing the tears away, which had started to fall. “I need you to do one thing for me Emily”

Amy gave me a look and I knew what was coming. “I want you to talk to Derek, without shouting or hitting him. Do you understand me? I am not asking you to forgive him, I am not asking for you to be best friends again. I am asking you to give him an olive branch.”

I swallow thickly as I look into her loving eyes, “Amy I” she smiled softly at me.

“I am not asking for a miracle Emily, I am just asking for you to give him a branch, some glimmer of hope which doesn’t involve fists flying or a shouting match.”

I give her a small smile “Okay”

Amy chuckled at me. “I love you Emily, but I know you miss him as much as he misses you”

I placed my lips against hers pulling her into a soft kiss, her arms wrapped around me tightly. “No matter what anyone says we are bringing that girl home. No one else. But first you speak to Morgan.”

I nod as I open the door, I scan the bullpen, my eyes falling onto his slumped form, and he seemed to be leaning that much into Garcia I wondered if it was to gain strength or give her comfort.

“Morgan?” I called softly to which he looked at me, his eyes were so sad and I had been the one to place all this sadness onto him.

“Can you come here please?” I asked, I waited for him to say no, for some response or some excuses that he could not come into the office.

However, he did not he nodded his head placing his cup on the table whispering something to Garcia before he made his way towards me.

We must have been talking for the past half an hour, I really hadn’t been paying much attention, for the first time in months I was relaxed around him, there was no shouting no fists flying and it had nothing to do with the fact that Amy was in the room. It was because we both needed to air everything out. As he walked out the room Amy took my hand squeezing it slightly.

“That didn’t hurt too much did it” she said giving me an amused look.

“I can’t forgive him, not yet” I said softly.

“I know,” Amy said giving me a knowing look.

We both knew I had to forgive myself first and then and only then would I be able to forgive him.

We both made our way back into the bullpen the team was gathered in the kitchen.

Garcia glared at me. “Have you told her!” the words flew out in anger and worry and even Amy knew what she was referring to.

“Yes, Emily has told me” she seemed to give Garcia a pointed look. “Emily and I will be going to pick Jennifer up and then we will be bringing her to our home.”

I could hear the gasps off the team, they couldn’t understand why Amy was allowing this, why she was allowing me to bring her to our home.

“Amy, what” Garcia tried and I could see the worry in her eyes.

Morgan seemed slightly guarded which I expected but he gave me a slight nod, Reid as always was slightly confused.

“Have you met her? Have any of you met her. Or have you all just read a file about her?” Amy asked them all. I watched on as they all became silent.

“So until you have met her, you have no right to judge her. I trust Emily and if Emily tells me she won’t hurt anyone I believe her and you should as well” there was a warning hidden behind Amy's tone as she spoke.

“Just be careful” Garcia said. We both knew Garcia took things to heart and worried deeply about us all.

Amy gave her a warm smile “If it will make you feel better Garcia once we have her settled in at home I will invite you round. But only if Jennifer is comfortable with it,”

“How can you trust someone you haven’t met?” Reid asked. I couldn’t help but chuckle he never fully understood some things and this would be one of those things.

“Because I trust my wife” I ran my fingers softly through her blonde hair.

“Thank you darling” I almost whispered.

“Do you want us to follow you there and make sure” Amy laughed.

“Morgan as much as I appreciate the offer I will say no. That goes for you all, if she hasn’t been around people for such a long time, meeting all of you will scare the poor girl half to death” I couldn’t help but snigger at her comment.

She was right though, not just because of how intimidating they could be, but because of how many different feelings and thoughts they had going through their bodies. Even on a good day they would and do give me a headache.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive to the asylum was quite, I was too lost in my thoughts, so much swirling in my mind, was I making the correct decision, maybe the team are right, what if she turns on Amy. She can’t protect herself like she was once able to.

“Emily stop it” I turn to look at Amy. “Stop worrying about what could and what might happen” her voice was so firm, there again her voice was always firm when she knew my mind was racing.

“What if I am wrong” I said as we pulled into the car park.

Her hand rested on my cheek as I look lovingly into crystal blue orbs.

“Darling listen to me.” she said softly as I held her gaze. “I trust you, I have and always will trust your judgement. If I thought for even a second that this was wrong or it didn’t feel right. I wouldn’t be here and neither would you”

I gladly lean into her touch, grounding myself as my thoughts fell into the background. “What if she won’t come with us? What if she sees you and” I can’t get my words out, I now have so much fear inside me that I want to be sick.

“She will come with us, I would worry if she didn’t fear me and that is only because she doesn’t know me” she smiled so softly at me.

“How is it you always know what to say” I couldn’t help but chuckle as the fear subsided for now.

“I know you, I know you wouldn’t be willing to do this unless you knew it was right. You might not be able to heal her over night, but getting her to come with us will be the biggest step she needs to take. It will also show how much trust she has in you. Emily don’t rush her”

I can only nod before getting out of the car, I pull the wheelchair out of the car and take it around to the passenger side. Amy was more stubborn than me, I often offered to help but after months of being told ‘she can manage’ I gave up. It has nothing to do with not wanting to help it is more to do with her being independent.

We walk up to the nurses’ station, this was the part I was dreading more than anything. “I would like to talk to someone about the discharge of a patient Jennifer Jareau” her voice always held so much authority

The nurse seemed to look at her in shock, “Ma’am, she is in isolation” the nurse muttered.

“I wasn’t asking where she was, I was asking to speak to someone about her release. Do you have a problem with that?” I couldn’t help the smug look on my face.

The nurse seemed taken aback by the way Amy spoke. Amy looked at me “Do you have any issues with Agent Prentiss going and seeing Jennifer?”

The nurse looked me up and down I knew she had seen me the day before, she nodded. “If you would like to follow me.”

“Agent Prentiss, make sure you explain to Jennifer what is happening” Amy said firmly.

I could only nod as I responded “Yes Ma’am”

I followed the nurse down the corridor until we reached the door, I turned and looked at her “I will be fine on my own, thank you.”

I would leave my dear wife to sort the rest out, I guess you may be wondering why I can’t or don’t read Amy's thoughts. There are two reasons, one is that she is my wife and I made a promise that I wold never try and read her thoughts and the second would be the fact that she was also trained by the CIA.

Now I just had to get her to agree to come to our home. This in its self is a task, but I also know she will be safer at our home than she is in here and at least there, I can get some real food inside her.

I walk inside slowly.

“You came back”

I smile at the sound of her voice “I promised I would didn’t I” I keep my voice soft and light as she moves out of the corner, her eyes solely focused on me.

“What's wrong?”

I close my eyes slightly “Nothing is wrong. May I sit down?” I ask looking at the chair, which is a nice distance from her as she nods.

“You seem different”

I nod “I have something important I want to talk to you about” she watches me for a time.

Her eyes sadden slightly “You’re not coming back are you”

I can’t help but smile at her as I speak “Jennifer sit down sweetheart and let me talk to you please” she moves further into the corner away from me as though she is trying to protect herself.

“Why are you here Jennifer? Why have you confined yourself here and never left?” I can see her glaring at me now “Jennifer do you want to leave here?”

I sigh to myself; sometimes people are too hard to communicate with. I know she is a lot brighter than people say she is. I watch her carefully.

“I don’t belong anywhere” I close my eyes as I speak though this time I shock her.

**‘You do belong Jennifer just like I do’**

Her eyes are wide as she looks at me. I soften my eyes and my whole demeanour towards her. It looks as though she is studying me trying to work it out as I let a soft smile ghost my lips

“I won’t hurt you I promise. Jennifer you do not belong here” this time I use my words. I doubt anyone has ever tapped into her mind before, as I can see the cogs turning inside.

“Where can I go?” her voice is so childlike as I smile softly

“I would like you to come to our home” she shakes her head at me “Jennifer, I promise you it is safe there”

I know what she is thinking as I lower my head.

“I won’t be though”

I can’t help but chuckle “you will be more than safe there. I can’t make you come with me Jennifer but I would like you to come with me.”

“What will happen?” She asked,

“What will happen when?” I said softly

“Out there”

I chuckled slightly “Well first the doors open then we walk down the corridor and get into the car where my partner will drive us home”

JJ raised her eyebrows slightly “You’re not funny you know”

I smiled “Thanks, your so kind. So are you ready to come out into the world instead of hiding away,” I asked kindly

“Will your partner hurt me?” JJ asked as the fear over took her mind.

“I want you to listen to me okay” JJ nodded

“She won’t hurt you, right now she is talking to the doctors about getting you discharged”

JJ gave a worried smile “What do you want from me though?”

I shook my head “I don’t really want anything, other than to get you out of this place and somewhere you can’t be hurt” Jennifer nodded slightly as the doors began to open.

Amy smiled as the doors opened fully “Hey” she said softly

“Amy I want you to meet Jennifer” I smiled as Jennifer hid behind me

“Hi” Jennifer mumbled as she looked at her

“I told the nurse that we are all going to be leaving now, I’ve signed her forms to get her discharged” I gave a thankful smile

 **‘She is like you, no thoughts’** I chuckled slightly.

“Jennifer, have you got some clothes to wear, instead of that gown?” I asked kindly as Amy rose her eyebrow at me

“I don’t have anything” she whispered.

Amy smiled softly “Emily I took the liberty of going to the car and grabbing your go-bag.

“And this Amy is why I love you” I smirked.

I walked over as Amy handed me the clothes “I’ll wait outside”

“I know they will be slightly big but we can get you some clothes once we are out of here”

I passed her the clothes that Amy had brought, “Would you like me to pack your things” I asked, my jaw dropped slightly as she removed her clothes in front of me. I swallowed thickly as I averted my eyes.

“Sorry” Jennifer said looking at me.

I was blushing slightly “No need for sorry, I” words failed as I met Jennifer’s eyes and gave her a coy smile. She smiled as she finished buttoning up the blouse

“I only have my drawing’s” she said in a whispered breath

“Well let’s get them safely into a bag” I closed my eyes slightly as I moved over to the desk.

The door opened again as Amy smiled at us both I can feel her studying me for a moment before she spoke “Are you both”

I nodded “We are, Jennifer this may hurt okay but I want you to stay close to me and concentrate on Amy,” She looked at me confused “Trust me Amy's mind is enough to keep the voices at bay” she nodded before she look at Amy.

“Just don’t give me a headache please” Amy said jokingly.

“I’ll try not to” she whispered as she gripped my top, and in turn I wrapped my arm around her.

“You doing okay there Jennifer?” I asked feeling Jennifer wrap herself more into my body.

“Voices too loud” she whispered

I rested my hand against Jennifer's forehead as we made our way to the car. It was lucky we came in Amy's car really, it had been adapted for her so she was able to drive. I knew Jennifer wouldn’t want to leave my side, she reminded me so much of a scared child. I know deep down once she is able to control the thoughts, able to block them so they don’t hurt as much. She will become stronger and not so frightened.

The world is a scary place to live in, it doesn’t matter what your background is, where you grew up or either the people that you know. There was always something that could or would happen that could turn your life upside down.

“I’ll drive Emily,” I breathed a sigh of relief as I opened the car door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Inside JJ’s mind and thoughts.**

I really wish I knew why I followed her so easily and why I am able to go to her home without fear. I normally fear people and the unknown. I am not use to this, people normally hurt me. Not physically but their thoughts hurt so much.

Imagine having a drill placed inside your head never stopping never ending. Feeling what they feel, their pain, and their worries, some minds are so evil and twisted it scares me. Though that was when I was taken out of my ‘home’ and I use that term loosely, everything in that asylum hurt.

Though when Emily came into my room, I couldn’t feel anything, no worry, no fear and no pain and as I now look at Amy, there is just this easy calm with them both.

It was strange when Emily placed her hand on my forehead the voices seemed to die down, not go completely but they were manageable. How did she do that?

The car ride was short being able to stay curled next to Emily helped to ease my worry. They seem to fit together as one, which is odd. I wonder if when she said partner it was because they are together. They must be since I am going to their home.

I try and pry into Amy's mind, hoping she won’t notice or feel, I have never had any control, but I need to know why they are so guarded, and more than anything I want to know how Emily was able to speak to me without opening her mouth. Was she like me?

I heard the resounding words form in my head and it scared me slightly

 **‘Don’t go looking for something you aren’t ready for’** It made no sense. But Amy's eyes seemed to lock with mine, there was nothing nasty in her eyes, it was a warning, but a warning about what?

Here I am trusting someone, well two people.

I study Emily. She has a calming presence about her, but I am cautious and maybe with good reason. Something inside screams that she is dangerous and that scares me more than being outside where I can feel everyone’s emotions and everyone’s thoughts.

People would think being able to read a person, to know what they are thinking would be a blessing. Well I for one can tell you it is not, it hurts. People have so many emotions swirling inside them and all at the same time, some consist of evil thoughts and feelings, some are happy and bubbly but the people I fear are the ones where you can look inside their mind and it is nothing but a blank void, no hope, no happiness and worst of all no feelings, those are the thoughts I want to run from.

Though I cannot read Emily or Amy. I know there is no blankness no great void of nothing it is just guarded. What is she afraid of or what is she afraid I may find?

Well we at her home and whoa, it is beautiful. I have never seen so many books! She shows me around and I can hear Amy on the phone ordering the food.

It feels nice here not what I am use too, I watch her for a moment as I slowly make my way into the room which is where they are sitting. I hoover slightly unsure if I am allowed to sit or where I should sit.

I want so much to sit next to Emily and curl into her and now she is looking at me watching me and part of me wishes I could see inside her mind and know what it is she is thinking.

“Come and sit down Jennifer,” Emily's says with a soft smile as she pats the cushion next to her.

Can she read my mind? Because it is what I am wishing for as I slowly make my way over, Amy smiles at me and I return it though it is a shy smile but she just nods at me.

I finally sit next to her and I wish I could ask her if she would hold me. I felt so safe in her arms last night, again I feel her eyes on me as I turn my face to look at her, she smiles so softly at me and opens her arms her eyes drift to the space she has made and in the one simple gesture I know she is telling me I can curl into her.

I do so with ease, as easily as her arm wraps around me her voice is a soft whisper “You’re safe sweetheart” her lips press against my head as I nuzzle my face into her neck.

The ringing of the bell scares me as I try to flee Emily’s arms wrap slightly tighter as Amy moves in her wheelchair to go to the door.

“It’s the pizza sweetie, no one is going to hurt you, not in our home or whenever I am around you and that is something I am able to promise” again her lips touch my head.

I do not know how to express what I am feeling or even how I should react to someone showing me such kindness. It is strange and foreign ground to me; Emily's grip on me does not alter as Amy comes back in with the boxes containing the pizzas

“Did you give a tip?” Emily asks, as her arm slackens from around my body.

“I did” Amy said and I can see her rolling her eyes at Emily it is amusing watching them both.

I look at her then at the food, where I grew up I wasn’t allowed to eat until everyone else was finished so if I was lucky I ate if I wasn’t I didn’t.

“Jennifer get yourself a slice of pizza, if you don’t like it I can make you something else” Emily said softly.

I look at her in shock now, I am not use to being treated like this as she hands me the plate, and I study her face again but this time I am looking deeper.

Amy sits across from us, I know she is watching me as I take the slice of pizza. Is this where she tells me I am not allowed to eat? Or shout at me for being curled into Emily. A small smile fills her face. I have never seen eyes as blue as hers they are so light.

“Jennifer,” I heard her speak but I am too wrapped up in my mind to respond.

“Jennifer” Emily now is talking pulling me out of my thoughts as I look blankly at Amy. I am so scared about what she is going to say.

I stop eating placing the pizza on the plate my eyes go down cast as I wait to be shouted at or beaten.

“Em,” Amy seems to give Emily a pointed look. How can they do that, they seemed to be able to have a full conversation with just their eyes.

**‘Jennifer it’s okay I promise, Amy just wants to talk to you. She won’t hurt you I promise’**

I frown again the words never leave her lips but yet they are swirling in my mind I look at Amy and I know she can see the fear in my eyes as I look at her.

“Yes” I know my voice is shaking as I speak, and now my body trembles as she comes over to me.

Emily never moved as Amy came towards me. She gently placed her finger under my chin so I had no choice but to look at her so she could see my eyes.

“You don’t have to be afraid” she whispered holding my eyes in her own.

Her voice is so kind, much like Emily's, there is so much kindness in her words.

“I don’t understand what it is you want from me” I said as I stared deeply into kind blue eyes

“We don’t want anything from you Jennifer,” I looked at her puzzled.

“But in this house we have some rules okay” the panic builds inside me as she speaks.

“Jennifer, they aren’t bad rules I promise.” She gives me the kindest look and I can’t help but nod. I know if I speak my voice will fail me and my emotions will get the better of me as well.

“Firstly, this is now your home for as long as you like” I frown slightly.

“Home?” I whisper.

“Yes your home” Emily says, her fingers run through my hair giving me comfort which I am so grateful for.

“Next one, and this is the big one” Amy says though I can see a smirk across her face.

“Okay” still my voice is no more than a whisper.

“I want you to try and use your words at all times, I am unable to read your thoughts so if you want something or need something you need to talk, okay”

I give her a smile as my body starts to relax more. “Okay.”

“I know sometimes you may be scared and feel you are unable to voice what you are thinking and that is fine, just try okay” I nod this time, how can they be so understanding.

Emily I can somewhat understand, but why is Amy not scared of me, everyone else is or they hurt me, but here I am in front of two women who seem to care about me and I have yet to work out why.

“Right Emily show Jennifer to her room please while I tidy up down here.” Her hand squeezed my arm as she motioned me to move.

“I won’t be long” Emily said as she got up pulling me with her.

I follow her easily as she leads me up the stairs, I look back at Amy who is clearing all the boxes and plates, I want so badly to go and help her but Emily tugs my hand.

“Amy is fine on her own Jennifer” Emily says to me, she has an amused look on her face.

Emily chuckled as she reached the third door along. “Amy is extremely independent, if she needs me she will shout, trust me”

Emily opened the door my eyes go wide the bedroom is huge.

“This will be your room, I don’t want you to hide away in here though Jennifer.”

“I hide because it hurts so badly and I can’t turn it off I get no peace. Even in that place I could hear everything, I couldn’t sleep they were so loud in so much pain” I said as tears formed in my soft blue eyes.

“Do I hurt you?” Emily asked as I shook my head

“No,”

“Does Amy hurt you?”

I shake my head “No”

“Jennifer close your eyes and listen,” I do as she asks though I am unsure why she is asking me to do this.

“What do you hear?”

I frown slightly, “Nothing”

“Nothing in this house will hurt you,”

“Why is it so quite?” I ask. Emily laughs slightly.

“Like you I can’t stand noise” she says with a slightly pointed look.

“Amy will be making us both a hot chocolate” Emily said as she guided me out of the room.

I look at her slightly blank “You do like hot chocolate?” Emily asked me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, it was more I had no clue what a hot chocolate was.

“Jennifer, what is it?”

“What's a hot chocolate?”

“It’s a drink, something Amy and I have every night before we go to bed.” Emily said to me easily as we walked down the stairs.

“Can you stop worrying, Emily is fine. I am fine, nothing is happening or is going to happen” I heard Emily groan slightly as Amy spoke into the phone.

“I am fully aware my wife does things without thinking about them first” I could feel the tension coming off Amy but only slightly.

I was frozen to the spot the fear creeping inside me as I listened to Amy speak.

“Penelope, I promise once Jennifer has settled in and is comfortable you can come around, but right now she isn’t, she is scared and unsure.” I heard Amy sigh softly.

I wondered if she was able to stand if she would be pacing around the kitchen but instead her fingers are place at the top of her nose as though she is pinching it.

“I know you worry, I will ring you in the morning Penelope” I heard Amy chuckle slightly. "I doubt that very much, but right now I have two very tired people who are waiting their hot chocolates. I will tell Emily, goodnight” Amy said as the call came to an end.

“Come on let’s go and sit in the lounge” Emily said it was as though she was totally ignoring what was going on with Amy.

Amy came into the lounge I watched as she shook her head “That woman needs to stop worrying” she said as she rolled her eyes slightly. “Emily can you bring the other two cups in please.”

Emily moved past Amy, I watched as she placed a soft kiss onto Amy's head. “She would worry if she was in the room next to us darling”

Emily's voice seemed so soft and gentle “That I can cope with, but”

Amy shook her head slightly “That woman is enough to give anyone a headache”

Emily laughed as she reappeared with the cups. “True but she is harmless,”


	8. Chapter 8

“Emily wake up sweetheart” Amy whispered resting her hand on my shoulder. Even in the mists of a nightmare, I could hear and feel her on my skin.

They had become less over the years, the only problem was that my nightmares shook the whole house; I screamed for them to stop, sometimes I would beg them to stop.

“I've got you Emily, Shh”

My past haunted me, my job haunted me, what I was forced to do haunted me. In truth everything in this world haunted me. It was mainly my past I would dream about and over the years, they had become worse, though I did not have them often these days. Only when something was playing on my mind.

I felt her strong arms wrap around me pulling my body closer to hers as she waited for the storm to pass. The things they had done to me had damaged my mind. It was why I knew what had or may have happened to Jennifer.

Amy had watched on helplessly as they placed needles in me, wires attached to my head to monitor my brain activity, it had broken her heart. They ran so many tests on my body on my blood.

I had spent months strapped to a bed until they had gotten all the information that they wanted off me. She never left me not once she had stayed by my side through it all. It was why she always knew what the nightmares were about.

I was thrown in to the worst parts of what they had done to me.

They submerged me into water just to see how much I could take; beating me until every part of my body was laced in bruising. Just so, they could watch how fast they faded away. They ran electric currents through my body to see how my heart coped, I was their test subject and I knew it. Amy knew it as well.

They would bring people, mainly the homeless and I was made to watch while they experimented on them until they found just the right cocktail, the right mapping to make others like me. I had seen so much suffering, the torture they inflicted on them were and are beyond words.

The biggest problem was something no one had seen coming, even I had not seen it coming. I could feel each one of them; I felt everything they did to them, the beatings, and the shock therapy. I might as well of been holding their hands because each thing they did, ran through my body attacking ever nerve in my body.

I gained so much comfort from Amy as the thoughts settled down so I was able to pull myself out of the nightmare. I whimpered as I began to wake, I could feel her lips touching my neck in comfort as my eyes began to open. My body shook slightly as her fingers ran gently over my arm to settle me down.

“Amy” I let out in a whispered breath.

“You’re safe Emily I promise” I nodded slightly against her.

I curled into her more as the thoughts began to fall away, the sleepy haze lifting from my mind. I feel Amy kissing my shoulder in comfort as she has done so many times before.

My eyes snapped open as I remember there was another person in the house; I could feel the panic coming from down the hall. I knew Amy could see the panic look I had on my face.

“Jennifer” I whispered in slight horror.

I knew how bad my nightmares where. I also knew it was the only time I could not always control my mind. Amy moved slightly, I knew if I went I could scare her more.

“Help me get into my chair” Amy asked softly, I could only nod.

She took hold of my hand as she settled into the chair. “You stay here for a moment darling while I go and check on her.”

I knew she could feel the fear coming off Jennifer because I could feel it to, though it was amplified for me.

I watched on as she left the room making her way down the short corridor to her room. Amy knew that I would tap in to her mind at this point, and that was only because I need to know what was going on. I also worried that Amy would not be safe. When someone with powers is scared they would sometimes lash out, not with intent to hurt but as a defence so they weren’t hurt and Jennifer’s abilities were still unknown to us.

The nightmares always took so much out of me; it always took me awhile to gain my strength back, to make the dread and fear leave fully.

I moved to the doorway so I watch my wife, even though I could feel the panic and fear coming off Jennifer, I was and would always put Amy's safety first.

I watched as she knocked gently on the door.

“Jennifer” her voice is so soft, her voice changes so much when a person is scared.

“Jennifer, it’s just me Amy can I come in sweetheart” I could not help smile as I listened to the ease in Amy's voice using the same type of endearment that I had used back in the asylum.

I watched as she opened the door, “Oh sweetheart” her voice now had fallen into a whisper, and it was in that moment I stopped listening to what was being said.

* * *

 

Amy made her way further into the room, Jennifer was curled into the corner of the bed holding the sheets so tight and so close to her body, Amy could see the tension coming off her and she could see her body was shaking in fear.

“Jennifer, it’s okay, nothing is going to hurt you.” Amy said softly as she moved closer to the bed.

Her hand reached out cautiously to Jennifer's shivering form, her heart broke for Jennifer, she knew Emily's nightmares can become so strong and so powerful.

Jennifer flinched slightly as Amy's hand gently touched her skin. “Shh, Jennifer it’s just me I promise.” Amy said softly.

Amy continued to run her fingers up and down Jennifer's back in comfort, in a hope of calming her down, she had not said a word. Amy could hear her breathing fast, which she could understand, it was the reason while Emily was on a case she did not sleep, and the only person who could calm Emily down was Amy.

Amy made a soft soothing sound deep in her throat as she waited for Jennifer to stop shaking, her skin was wet with sweat and Amy's heart broke slightly.

“What happened?” Jennifer let out in a shudder breath.

Amy smiled sadly even though she could not see Jennifer's face, “Emily had a bad nightmare” there was no point hiding the fact that Emily had, had a nightmare.

Amy would never lie to anyone that was staying in their home. In her eyes, they needed to know, Emily was so powerful; when she was awake, Amy knew she could control her gifts, as she liked to call them. However, when Emily had been thrown into the mists of a nightmare she had no control over anything.

She felt Jennifer tense under her hand, “Jennifer she won’t hurt you,” Amy said in a soft but firm voice.

“The house moved” Jennifer's voice was so weak and with each word Jennifer said was filled with fear and panic.

“I know it did, look at me sweetheart,” Amy said softly, hoping Jennifer would turn and look at her.

Amy had so much patience when it came to people like Jennifer and for children. It seemed like hours Amy had been sat rubbing Jennifer's back in comfort. Amy began to talk softly to Jennifer in a hope to make her more at ease and in some hope that she would stop shaking or make her turn around.

“Some very bad things have happened to Emily in the past, she has been hurt so badly that sometimes they become nightmares and she has no control over anything, she has abilities just like you Jennifer. She can control them when she is awake; it is why she is so guarded. However, when she is asleep, when the dreams become too much for her, the fear and pain she feels seeps out of her. She didn’t mean to scare you,” Amy said softly.

Amy knew she could not explain it any better than she was doing, but as she spoke the shaking form beneath her fingers slowed.

“Is she okay?” Jennifer asked as she moved slightly so she could look at Amy.

Amy looked lovingly in to wild frightened blue orbs as she spoke. “She is fine; she is just worried about you”

Jennifer nodded slightly “Do you want me to get her Jennifer?” Amy asked carefully.

Jennifer's eyes went slightly wide at the thought of seeing Emily, she shook her head “Okay sweetheart,” Amy said softly.

She was reminded of a scared child, even though Jennifer knew Emily would not hurt her, the fear still was fresh in her mind, Amy ran her fingers softly through Jennifer's hair to get her to relax slightly.

“Try and go back to sleep Jennifer,” Amy said as Jennifer lay back down, though she never moved away from Amy's touch.

Amy stayed with her for a short while once she had fallen asleep. She knew Emily would still be unsettled it was always the case after a bad nightmare; she made her way slowly out of the room closing the door softly behind her, before making her way back to their bedroom.

* * *

 

“Hey darling” Amy said softly to me, I cannot help the sad look on my face as my eyes meet with hers.

“Jennifer is fine,” Amy said as she gave me a pointed look.

“Sorry” I move to the edge of the bed as she takes my hand in hers, her finger gently running over my knuckles.

“Let’s go and get a coffee” I could not help the half chuckle I give as I follow her to the lift.

I would normally take the stairs and meet her in the kitchen but as always after my nightmare, I am unsettled and she knows it. I always stayed close after she grounds me allowing my mind to fully relax.

I know everyone at work sees me as the strong, stubborn Emily and I am, but right here, right now I need comfort and only Amy can give me that comfort. The nightmares are always so real, but with the way my mind works it is no surprise really. As my mind relives things, my body feels it all over again, it is as though it is happening all over again and only this time I am getting the front row seat.

“Emily, stop it” her voice is so much firmer when she is trying to stop my mind from spinning. I look at her and give a sad smile. “Emily you can’t control everything and you know you can’t so stop dwelling on it, please”

She now has my hand firmly in hers as the doors open, we make our way into the kitchen, I leave Amy to make the drinks as I know she puts something extra in mine to help me relax more, she may be fully human, but she can read me better than anyone even if they could see into my mind.

“You sure she’s okay?” I ask softly.

“I am sure, slightly frightened but that is to be expected,” Amy says as she places the mug in front of me. “You shook the whole house if she wasn’t frightened I would have some very serious questions to ask” Amy gave me a wink.

“Thank you” I cupped her cheek gently “I love you so much,” I whisper before pulling her into a soft kiss.

She pulled away as she looked into my eyes, “I love you too, let’s go into the den”

This had always been our room, or as Declan calls it the adult’s room. I wished after everything happened that he could come and stay with Amy and myself. Though I was reminded it was not a good idea, which is true.my nightmares would do more than frighten him. I wait for Amy to move onto the sofa so I can lean into her.

I gratefully rest my head on her shoulder as she makes patterns across my stomach “You feeling any better darling?”

I nuzzle into the nook of her neck “Much” I hear her chuckle before I feel her lips press on my temple.


	9. Chapter 9

The morning seemed to come around too fast, I was disturbed from my peaceful slumber as I heard Jennifer walking around, I moved slightly hoping not to wake up Amy, and her arms were still wrapped around my body as I carefully moved her arms.

“Em” Amy mumbled slightly, I was never able to move fully without her being disturbed.

“Morning beautiful” I whispered softly. “I am going to make us a coffee,” I kept my voice soft as she nodded against me; it always took her awhile to stir fully, unless I had woken her during the night.

I was not fully sure how Jennifer was going to be with me this morning; I was also unsure what she had felt from my nightmare. I just hoped she had not seen or felt too much and prayed she was not now scared of me.

I made my way into the kitchen I knew that by the time I had poured Amy's coffee she would be already making her way in, I wasn’t fully sure if Jennifer would come down yet, I could hear her footfalls upstairs at the same time I heard Amy. I wondered what today would bring.

Amy smiled as she made her way into the kitchen, “Has she come down yet?” Amy asked as she picked her cup up.

“No, I've heard her moving around” I give a sad smile before sitting next to her.

“Stop worrying darling” she says softly to me as she takes my hand in her own.

I smile slightly as I squeeze her hand softly. “What if she is scared of me Amy?”

I look at her as she chuckles slightly. “Darling she may fear you slightly, but I also know she will talk to you, I am unsure what she has seen or what she felt, but you need to stop worrying about the, what ifs.” She gives me a slightly pointed look. “I will stay with you Emily, I know she may have a lot of questions and some you may not be able to answer” I nod slightly.

I know deep down it is not the fact that I may not be able to answer her, it is more the fact that she may not hear what I am saying fully. Some times when people are scared or worried they tend to only hear and see what they want.

I wonder if she fears me now. I also need her to see she has no reason to fear me; I only do things to protect either those I care about or myself. Jennifer makes her way into the kitchen; I watch as Amy smiles warmly at her,

“Would you like a coffee?” Amy asks which she gets a nod.

“Please” her voice seems softer than it has been since I meet her a few days ago.

She stares at me and no words are spoken well not yet and I know she wants to ask me a question, her thoughts are as clear as day. As though she has spoken them, though she has not said a word yet.

Jennifer's eyes never left me as she made her way further into the kitchen, I could feel and hear my heart beating the blood pumping through my body, the sheer fear that she would want to go back to that place away from me, away from the world again.

“Amy said that you won’t hurt me” I nod slightly as my voice seems to fail me for a moment.

“She’s right, I won’t hurt you” I keep my voice soft though the whole of my body is screaming in fear.

Amy grips my hand to give me strength that I need the feeling that I am not alone in this, just like so many times in the past. Not that she scares me; it has something I have feared for years, the fear of rejection. The fear that a person will not give me a chance or even try to understand me. The only reason Amy trusts me is that she has been with me through everything.

“You’re like me?” she asks and I cannot help the slight smile that takes hold of my lips.

However, I shake my head as I speak, she is right in a sense but also she is very far of the mark.

“I am in a way yes” I reply

She is now sat across from us; her arms are wrapped around herself in a defensive position, which I can fully understand. How am I meant to explain this, how do I tell her who or what I am when I have never done it before, Amy knew after a year of knowing me, we have known each other for 23 years, we dated for ten years before she asked me to marry her.

“Then who are you?” she asks.

I can no longer feel the fear that she had inside her, “I am like you, but no one did this to me Jennifer, I was born this way,”

The way I use to put it is that I am a freak but how can I say that to someone who’s abilities mirror mine?

I have kept this hidden for so long. For so long covering, my tracks making sure no one would ever find out, but I knew. I had known the second I was told what they wanted me to do that I would not be able to hide who I am for long that something would give; some fabric of my very being would falter.

“You know by now I can hear your thoughts” I ask my eyes never leaving hers, she nods at me, I cannot help taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. “I can move things without touching them, “

She nodded again. “I also help people like you, though I haven’t for a long time” it was true since Jordan died and Amy had lost the baby I had turned my back on so many things, that I had stopped feeling them to a point.

The silence continues for a while as I gather my thoughts, I can see her looking at me the slight smirk that laces her lips as her eyes bore into my soul, I want to scream and run but I am also waiting for something, though I am not fully sure what it is I am waiting for. Is it some type of hope that she can learn to forgive me and trust me all over again? Should I have been honest with her from the start or would that have made things worse than which they were now.

I close my eyes for a moment, as I will the fear, which is building up inside me to disappear or at least leave me alone just long enough to get through this.

“You could start from the beginning” I look at her in disbelief.

I have never told anyone about my past, well other than Amy and Reid even though he does not know the full extent of everything. However, Jennifer deserved the truth, but I had never done this before. Could she end up detesting me, I know I really have no choice she needs answers, maybe she needs to know the truth.


	10. Chapter 10

My past was not something anyone could fully hide, I was a trained killing machine, and I was trained over a period on months to lose myself to lose the ability to care, to fear and to feel pain. I was a wild animal, but that was over twenty years ago, but even now it sometimes comes through. The nightmares that would plague my dreams my mind and my soul.

I hardly slept when Amy is not around, because of the fear of the nightmares attacking me and because of things that I had done. There was not just Ian Doyle who I had betrayed in a sense. I betrayed him by getting close, close enough to hurt him and destroy him. It was my ability to get people to trust me that made me more dangerous than anything. Nevertheless, this was just part of who I was, who I am.

My genetic makeup played into it a great deal, not just my looks. However, being able to see and hear things before they happened; unfortunately, it never happened when I was close to someone, when I had allowed someone to touch my heart my soul. The very fabric of my being, I had lost my family years ago; I had finally cut all the strings that held me to my mother it was the one blessing in my life.

The team feared me, not because I had ever hurt them, but because sometimes I would rather kill you than talk to you and ask questions, though when I was surrounded by children I was at peace, I was calm and the air for danger that surrounded me fell away.

Not one person in my life has ever wanted to know me, aside from Amy, However, Jennifer is different, not because she is like me, but because she needs answers, she needs the truth after everything she has been through she needs one person to be honest with her. I could sit here and just debate the fact with myself or I can voice what, or try to place into words something that I have never spoken about.

Start at the beginning, the whole problem is I am unsure where the beginning started. Was it when I was called a freak, was it the time I slammed my father against the door without touching him, the fact that the more I became aware I was different the more I was alone.

This would also involve everything I had done. I have spent years blaming myself for everything and my Mother has taken great pleasure in joining in on that as well. Nevertheless, this woman, which is now sat before me, this pure innocent woman who still has a trace of fear in her eyes, could end up fearing me more. Is it really worth the risk? Alternatively, do I back away and allow her to slip away.

“Or you can start where you want”

I heard her voice soft as anything could she sense the inner turmoil which laced my mind, could she feel how truly broken I am inside. That the hardness that I show to the world is just a shield so no one sees how much of a train wreck I truly am. As I sit here, our eyes locked together as though each of us searching for something but we are not quite sure what.

I can still see the slight fear and I can sense the worry. Nevertheless, I can also sense the worry of rejection as though me allowing her in would be proof that I trust her. However, do I trust her enough not to betray me? Would it be easier if she asked me questions to which I could answer, or would me leading the dance be easier all around?

My reasoning is torn between my heart and my head and I am unsure for the first time in my life, which one I should listen to. My heart tells me to take the risk, to take a chance on someone other than Amy, my brain on the other hand remains me just how badly this could turn, the fact I over analyse everything I do is nothing compared to the sinking feeling I had growing inside me.

If I follow my head I might as well slam the steel door shut and nail it up forever, but if I listen to my heart, which I may point out has gotten me into more trouble than my abilities or gifts, call them what you may.

Sometimes they hinder you other times they are a blessing, but do I allow my heart to rule my mind in the sheer hope of some desperation that I may have found someone else who will except me for me and not try to conform me into the normal way the world works.

I know she is like me, but she is also not like me. She is much like the people we have experimented on for the past 20 or so years. My heart pounds high in my chest, I can both feel and hear the blood rushing through my veins, the volume is deafening but at the same time I can draw comfort from the fact I am still here and still alive and the hand that rests in mine giving me the much needed strength to do this, to open the door of something I have tried to nail shut, tried to avoid and hide for most of my life.

Maybe I have been closed off for too long to even know how to communicate with someone who seems to actually be interested in me. Not out for what they can get from me, not wanting to use me so they can get some greater advantage for whatever it is they are doing.

I close my eyes for a moment before I look back directly into her, I hear the soft gasp the kindness in her eyes though the hint of fear and worry remains, there is hope and as long as there is hope there is a chance, and a chance is always worth the risk.

Right now is where I bare my soul, strip away the armour I have encased around myself, this is where I take a chance and allow her in allow her to see me the real me which only Amy has ever seen.

This could all backfire.

I know she can see the power play which is going on in my mind, the shudder breath escapes my lips as I begin to drown in my mind, I feel Amy beginning to pull me back as the thoughts and feelings begin to swirl in my mind.

“Just breath Emily” I hear her voice so soft and gentle.

I look at our hands before I look into her eyes, I could drown in her eyes like so many times before. Her eyes offer me so much comfort, so much love and protection. They have always given me strength when I felt I could not carry on. Who knew the strong Emily Prentiss could be weak and scared?

I try to slow my breathing who knew this could be so hard. Who knew me just opening my mouth and allowing the words to come out would be so hard? I know why it is so hard because after everything has been said after everything which will be done. I could be placing Amy and myself in harm’s way.

I guess this is also the point where I have to look deep within myself and find some kind of balance before I even think of opening my mouth each words needs to make sense, each word needs to be in the right place.

Though as I look into her eyes I feel grounded as though each fibre of my very being she is able to touch Amy is my anchor. Jennifer is watching me so intently and I know that she is not even trying to see inside my mind. This is something I need to do.

“I’ve never spoken about my past” I let out in a soft voice, though I think for the first time in my life it sounds weak, even as I laid in a pool of my own blood it didn’t sound this weak.

She gives me a slight nod and I can see the way her body is so tense so fearful of what may come out of my mouth.

Where the hell so I start, the beginning is normally a good place, but when did I notice I was different from everyone else, I cannot help but let out a slight sigh.

“I always knew I was different from everyone else, from a young age I could feel peoples pain, their anger, and their detest for everything that was wrong in their lives.” I pause slightly as I delve into my past, which I had buried so long ago.

“As I grew up it progressed slowly at first, I use to think I imagined the voices which filtered into my mind, knowing what someone was going to ask me before the words had left their lips.”

I stop again; I cannot help the sad smile, which takes, over my face,

“By the time I had turned 10 things had changed again, the voices changed giving feelings behind them, whether they were sad, happy or angry. The deepness also changed with each day, and the length in which I could hear their thoughts grew. I could be three rooms away and I could hear my Mother and Father as though they were stood right in front of me, their thoughts laced with hate and disappointment.”

I cannot control the tears I feel building up behind my eyes as I think back to the most painful part of my childhood. The fact that this was the time I knew how much they were disappointed in me and the point, which I found out my Father, was having an affair.

I can no longer look into her as I speak. So instead, I now look at the hand that is wrapped in my own, trying to gain strength from Amy.

“When I turned 12, I confronted my Father; he had been having an affair for years. I already knew that at this point I was a disappointment, so confronting him would make no difference in how they felt about me. I was use to the rejection. Not just by my parents but even adults and children alike. They knew I was different. A freak”

I close my eyes slightly trying not to get too lost within the past.

“That was when I also found that I could move things with my mind, the second his hand made contact with my cheek; the second I had felt that pain and sting. Anger burned inside me I wanted to push him away so far, so far away from me. but little did I know at that time, that just thinking it with so much anger, so much hate that raged inside me. Before I even knew what I was doing he was pinned up against the wall of his study gasping for breath.”

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheek the slight salt smell that ran along with it, the expelling of the hate and hurt I had felt for years, the disappointment that I truly was to them. I could hear the soft hums from Amy as she tried to give me comfort as I tried to plough on through all this, trying to explain something I have never fully understood.

A failure.

“That was the age I found out I was just like his brother.” I could not help the dry laugh that ripped from my chest.

“Someone I had never met or heard of before, but I also knew then that I wasn’t truly alone as I felt. That someone else was like me, well maybe like me. To my Father I was a freak, a disappointment. Though with him now seeing I was like his brother I had now in the space of half an hour become a problem something he wanted to disregard. Someone he wanted out of his life, though my Mother new about the affair he was having, it was I that was punished. I was sent away to France. Not the first time I had been sent away, but now I was sent to live with my Grandfather.”

I pause as I hold in the sob, which wants to rip from my chest; pain I thought I had dealt with so long ago came flooding back to the surface, the reminder of the rejection from my own family. The shear pain and problem I was to them, a burden to them.

Amy brings her hand up to my face to wipe away the tears, which were freely flowing down my face, the burning in my eyes, which spilled out the full emotion of everything I had been through.

“My Grandfather taught me how to control everything which I felt inside, taught me how to shield myself from what I felt. However, with the rejection from my parents I also began to build walls around myself for my own protection. I threw myself into my school work, I guess even back then I thought if I was good enough, if I could prove myself I would be accept by my family my parents.”

I let out a dry laugh; things have never gone to plan where my parents were concerned.

“Each year my gifts as I now called them grew and other changes began to take shape as well, I remember the first time I had been involved in an accident, well it was called that but in truth some of the children I went to school would beat on me.”

I sighed slightly gaining strength again off Amy as I had done so many times in the past

“Don’t get me wrong I had a few close friends back then, but I was also an outcast.”

I felt Amy’s hand against my back, a shiver ran through my body but it was covered with warmth that gave me the strength to carry on this path of memory lane. This path, which was covered in heartache and pain.

“My Grandfather had passed away which meant I had been sent back to my parents whom didn’t really want me around, I was side-lined to the other side of the house. Not allowed to mix with anyone whom came within our temporary home. My parents were ambassadors back then. Though my Mother still is to this day, so we also moved around a lot.”

I feel her hand now running up and down my spine giving me a sense of comfort my past was so different from Jennifer’s. I had wanted to hide to give up so many times in the past, but here I was living a life I had so badly wanted to end many years ago.

Jennifer had been locked away and kept away from people whom would judge her and I guess the word I want to use is abuse her. Though that is wrong because her so called ‘keepers’ abused her more than anyone in her life.

“I was in Italy around my fifteenth birthday, I was so desperate to fit in, I was tired of being the outcast, but I went about it the wrong way. It nearly ruined my life, but in a sense, it also had. I became pregnant, and within that same year, I had a termination. This rest of my teen years seemed to fly by, I had moved back to the states by the time I had turned 19 and was in college, the courses I studied paved a pathway for me to be snatched up by Interpol and the CIA”

I need to stop I need to breath. I need to control these emotions, which are spiralling out of me like a cannon being fired from the gun. Amy now has her arm around me as I try to control the sobs, which rip from my chest.


	11. Chapter 11

I took the comfort offered by Amy as my heart broke, as the sobs ripped from my chest, she knew talking about my past hurt, she also knew I was placing a steel blade into my heart and turning it. My mind is awash with so many different feelings, as my head now rests against Amy as I try to control myself.

I know Jennifer is watching because I listen to Amy speak.

“She’s okay Jennifer, she just finds talking about her past difficult”

Difficult isn’t really the word I would use, I am torturing myself all over again, bringing the pain back to the forefront of my mind. I can’t do this, I feel the disgust I felt years ago returning to the surface. My walls have crumbled around me and now I am holding onto Amy as though my life depends on it.

Even Amy knows there are no words of comfort she can offer, no reprieve from everything that is now swirling inside me wanting to escape. Amy knows she needs to get me to calm down, before the walls of our home begin to shake.

I cannot understand why she isn’t running. Her lips touch my head as I try to calm down, but nothing is helping, not Amy's grip around my waist, not the steady beating of her heart. Not the touch of her lips against my head, everything hurts again.

Jennifer has not said a word since I started this quest to reveal my past but yet here she is not running away. To allow her to see me the real me something only Amy has seen.

The tears finally subside the heaviness of the air hitting my lungs slow as I try to regain my composure. “The years I spent with Interpol and CIA were the worst years of my life.”

I try to move slightly but Amy's arm is wrapped firmly around me stilling me next to her.

“They trained me to be” I paused

How could I use the term killing machine? How can I let her know what I have fully done? I shake the thoughts from my head as I try to plough forward. I can’t it hurts too much and I know Amy's knows what I am thinking as she pulls me closer to her body, whispering nothing but love and support.

I hear Jennifer's voice clear as day but yet her lips never moved

**‘Don’t be afraid’**

I want to laugh, scream and cry. I am about to tell her what type of a monster I truly am. How much I blame myself for everything that has happened over the past twenty years.

 

“Do you want me to continue?” Amy asks me so softly.

She knows how much it hurts, it had hurt her too. Watching what they did to me and being unable to stop them, I know my screams still haunt her. I can only nod, as I can no longer trust my voice.

“I had met her a few years before she started” Amy let out a dry laugh, “The best and worse choice I made” she gave me a reassuring smile.

“I worked for them as well, I watched as they trained her, they trained her to become hard and heartless, they wanted to see how much she could take. How much she could handle before she broke.”

Amy's fingers ran lovingly through my hair, I could only listen for now.

“I had known before I asked her to come and work for us that she was different, she was special. They beat her till she was black and blue it was then we found out just how different she was, the bruises faded within hours. The cuts on her skin were nearly healed, it was as though nothing had happened,”

Again she stops I want so badly to look at her as her fingers run through my hair.

My whole body now screams at me to run, to get away from her. She is about to hear about one of the worst thing that I had done in my life, the worst thing I had been made to do in my life.

“Amy” I say softly and she knows that this is something I need to do.

I have to stop thinking, and open my mouth and stop worrying about the repercussions that could come next.

“When they realised that I was different, and after the last mission I had been sent on undercover, I was taken away, partly because I had to give an in-depth statement and the other was so they could run tests, first they told me they wanted to check for drugs in my system. However, because I could hear everything they were thinking I knew it was a lie, but I also knew if I was to fight them they wouldn’t give a second thought to ending my life.”

I take a deep shuddered breath I can feel my body start to shake slightly and I know she can feel it to as her grip on my tightens as though she is holding me in this moment, in this space and time grounding me from my thought from my turmoil.

“They took blood from me sending it away to be tested, I was now locked in a room alone the only sick comfort I found was that for the first time in my life aside from my Grandfather, that someone was trying to understand me, though it was a high price to pay but it had been something I had craved for years. To be wanted.”

“Wanted for the wrong reasons, but at that moment I didn’t care, they brought in men to fight me to see how much damage I could cope with, how much pain I could really take.”

I sigh slightly feeling the bile swirl deep inside me. “After they had studied how much pain and how fast my body could heal from everything they had bestowed on me, on my body they began to run more tests.”

Again tears slip from my eyes, I feel too exposed, I have never let someone in this much. I had never really spoken about it, only Amy knew how bad my past had been.

“They monitored everything, my heart rate, my brain activity, the way my skin would heal, not even leaving a scar, they found something different in my DNA, some type of mutation that they had never seen before.”

“I heard the term so many times, so many different ways. But as I laid stripped naked against the bed with wires attached to my body, the machines whirling next to me as they inflicted injuries against me, just so they could study how my body reacted to everything and watch how fast my body would recover. Despite all this, despite everything they did and where doing to me. I felt wanted and needed, these people needed me.”

I try to supress the bile, which is rising, in my throat, the sickness I can feel inside me as Amy's hold on me slackens,   I cannot even look at her before I bolt from the kitchen straight towards the bathroom.  

My throat burns as I expel the contents of my stomach into the white bowl. The tears wreck my body as I heave again; shame runs through my body as I try to control myself. Why is talking about this effecting me so much? Is it the fact that I am scared that I am going to lose this woman that I only met a short time ago. Is she going to blame me for everything that has happened in her past? Every day I blame myself; every time I look in the mirror, I am reminded and haunted by my past.

I cannot help but flinch slightly as soft fingers touch my forehead brushing my hair out of the way, as I heave again, more bile spilling into the white porcelain bowl.

“I've got you” Amy’s voice is so soft, so kind and gentle.

The walls I had long since built up have come crumbling down around me; I cannot speak my throat contracting from the burning, which the bile and sickness has caused.

I knew if Jennifer was to try to look in my mind, she would see everything and at this point and in this moment, I do not care. Not because I want her to see and feel what I keep locked deep inside me but because just talking about this is causing me to break.

Ripping my heart out again, destroying everything inside me. Shame, guilt. The knowledge that me, me alone, my blood, my DNA had and has been used to cause so much pain. So much destruction to people’s lives.

I don’t deserve to live, I don’t deserve the comfort which Amy is offering to me right now, but yet I gratefully lean into her soiled form which is behind me. I allow myself to take in the slight comfort in which she has to offer.

Everything subsides into this moment; I wonder if I am just as bad as the people whom kidnapped her. Am I truly the monster I think I am?

“Emily, calm down” Amy whispers so softly into my ear.

I did not even realise just how much my body was shaking at this point. Not through heaving or because the bile has burnt my throat, but through guilt, shame and the knowledge that I am still a failure. The team are my family; my, other has fully disowned me unless she wants to call just to put me down some more. To blame me for everything wrong in her life and I allow it. I allow it because I feel it too, but as Amy’s arms wrap around me tighter I find a peace just like every time before as though she is healing what has been broken inside me for so long.

Fixing my broken soul, I can no longer speak, I can only think, trapped and lost in my mind but I know she is next to me I know her arms are around me holding me grounding me to the world in which I am meant to be in.

The amour inside me falls away, the cast iron wall I had built around my heart and around my soul is crumbling and I know it will take just one thing to make me fully fall. To shatter into a million pieces, to the team I am guarded and withdrawn most of the time. But right here, right now I am vulnerable, and Amy knows that.

My mind takes me back into the blank abyss, the never-ending cycle in which I am to blame for everything, where everyone I have ever known has told me I do not belong in this world; I am a freak so different from anyone else. Different because I was born a freak, born a monster, used as a weapon to create soldiers, to destroy everything I vowed to protect.

“If I belong in this world so do you” Jennifer’s voice is so firm as she speaks.


	12. Chapter 12

I wanted to laugh as I heard Jennifer's voice, how can she say I belong in this world after everything I have done, after everything I am responsible for; I had blamed myself for the past twenty years. I think back to why I wanted to live and as I lean more into the solid form behind me I know why, I am alive because of her. I am here because of Amy, because she has faith in me, she does not see me as a monster, she has never seen me as a monster, she sees me.

I let out a soft sigh as I try and regain control over my feelings, Amy's fingers run soothingly against my body, the soft hums that come from her throat offering me so much comfort, so much strength, she is my rock the one person I allow to see my vulnerability.

Amy moves back slightly as the shivers slow down. I hear her whisper to Jennifer to go into the other room so I get regain my composer. Amy's runs her fingers through my hair softly.

“Take your time darling” she says in a whispered breath I can only nod, because right now I do not trust my voice.

My legs feel weak as though they have turned to jelly as I move towards the sink so I can freshen my mouth, removing the stale taste of sickness which has laced my lips and mouth, as though this one action can somehow remove the fact that not a few moments ago I was sitting on the cold hard surface heaving.

I slowly make my into the lounge, I can’t help the sad look on my face as I make my way over to Amy, her hand reaches up to me as her fingers gently run on my skin, I can only give her a slight smile. I know my eyes tell of my pain but right now I am raw, I am open and raw.

Why has not she left? Why is she not repulsed by the person I was, the person that I am, I am use to people being repulsed by what I have done, many people which have been so called ‘made’ have blamed me. So why isn’t she, why isn’t she screaming demanding to be taken back to that prison she has known for the past two years?

I take a moment to gain the comfort offered by Amy, I cannot even look at Jennifer right now, and I need to find my balance before I continue this little quest, removing the armour of my past. Trying to distance myself so it does not hurt as much. I am reminded how lucky I truly am but it has always been a high price to pay.

I let a slight sigh leave my lips before I level my eyes with Jennifer's, I hold her eyes in my own for a moment as I try and figure out what to say, how to continue with this, it is something I have never voiced before, I have never needed to. Amy knew because she was there when everything happened. I need to stop thinking and open my mouth, I need to get this done and then if she has not run by the end of it that will be a test in itself.

“They would submerge me into water to see how long I could go without air.” I shake my head slightly. “They ran so many tests, but once they had got what they needed, I was free, well free from them running tests, that is.”

I cannot help but swallow thickly as Amy's hand grasps more firmly against mine. I guess this is it the one main point I have been leading up to, the one thing that might make Jennifer hate me, but it needs to be said everything needs to be out in the open.

“They took me to what I can only describe as a pit that had more machines”

I pause for a moment as I close my eyes; I cannot look at her now as I continue.

“They brought a homeless man in, stripped him of his clothes and placed him on the bed strapping his arms and legs down a restraint was also place against his head not allowing him any movement other than his eyes.”

Again more tears slip from my eyes I shake my head slightly the guilt tearing me apart inside.

“They took some of his blood and mixed it with mine before injecting it into his body” Amy now wraps her arm around me holding me close.

“He died the next day. This went on for months, so many lives have been lost” I hear the sharpe intake of breathe, I swallow hard.

“You made them” I shake my head as Jennifer spoke.

“I guess in a sense I did since it was my blood my DNA that has ruined so many lives.”

I pause again.

“Did you do this to me?” There is hurt and anger held in Jennifer's voice as she spoke.

“No. that I am sure of” my voice held a slight firmness as I spoke.

“How can you be sure” her voice is stronger this time.

I level my eyes at her and I make sure I speak clearly enough for her to understand but knowing how much hurt and pain she is feeling inside I doubt she will hear me let alone hear what I am saying.

“I am sure, Jennifer the ones that were made with my blood I can feel, I know each person who has my blood running through their veins”

I move out of Amy's firm hold, as I feel the anger coming off her in waves, every part of her body is screaming. My only concern is that she does not aim her anger at Amy. She can throw everything and anything she wants at me.

“YOU DID THIS, YOU DID THIS TO ME!” Jennifer shouts before she bolts out of the room.

I watch as she heads towards the stairs, the slamming of the door, tells me that she is in her room. I cannot help but sigh.

“Give her time Emily” I can only give Amy a half smile.

“Let me go and talk to her once she has calmed down” I look at Amy I cannot help the worry that is held in my eyes.

“What if” I try but as soon as I open my mouth, her fingers rest on my lips.

“Right now Emily she sees you as a threat” she gives me a pointed look.

“But what if she” I sigh, Amy always knows what I am trying or going to say.

“Emily, sweetheart let her calm down and then I will go and see if she will talk to me.” I can only nod.

Amy has a better way with people like Jennifer, which I am grateful for, but at the same time, I do not want her in harm’s way again.


	13. Chapter 13

I can take slight comfort that she is not now screaming, I can feel her tears the confusion, which is laced in her mind. I can understand it she needs someone to blame someone to aim her anger at and I would gratefully take it, though I cannot help the sadness I feel, the pain which is laced in every fibre of my being.

The time seemed to stand still, it had seemed to stop the moment she ran out of the room, the second the door slammed shut.

“Emily, let me go and talk with her” Amy said softly to me, I could only nod.

Even though I do not want my wife in harm’s way, I also know that she may be able to get through to her, maybe help her understand that none of this was what I wanted. I hated myself for everything they had done to me everything they had put innocent people through. They had caused so much pain to hundreds of people but yet I knew it was not my fault, well not initially my fault.

I can only watch as Amy makes her way over to the lift, I say a silent prayer as I watch her leave. Am I sending her into the lion’s den, or will Jennifer talk to her?

* * *

 

I make my way down the hallway towards Jennifer's room; I cannot help the pang of hurt I feel inside. Emily blames herself for what they have done to innocent people, and yet I blame myself for what they have put her through. If I hadn’t have gotten her to join the CIA no one would have found out about her gifts, she wouldn’t have been put through any of this, she is so strong even though at times she doesn’t feel it. I cannot help the sigh that slips from my lips as I knock softly on the door.

“Jennifer, can I come in please?” I call out softly.

Part of me wishes she would not blame Emily, but yet on the other hand I can understand it.

A child should never have had to go through the things she has been through, but she has and the only thing any of us can do is to help her heal. Both Emily and I have an idea and that is only because of what the CIA put her through and what she had told Emily back at the asylum.

I can hear the soft sobs, which are coming from the room; I hurt for both of them. I carefully open the door before I make my way inside; the sadness I feel inside is doubled as I look at her small form huddled into a small ball.

Much like a baby, as though wrapping herself so tightly that she is protected from everything. Emily was right she does remind me of a small child, scared and confused by everything around her. Fear that is so buried deep inside her that she has been holding inside herself for so long.

I make my way further in stopping as I reach the bed. “Jennifer,” again, I keep my voice soft.

I watch as her body shudders and I want so badly to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything is okay. To try to make her understand that Emily would never hurt her. Never hurt anyone unless she had to. I will wait though until she is finally able to answer me.

I reach my hand out carefully, hoping she does not panic as I run my fingers gently down her back, in hope she can take slight comfort from it.

“Emily didn’t do this to you Jennifer” I keep my voice soft and gentle as I speak.

“She blames herself for everything that has happened; she even blames herself for what they did to her. Much like you she was forced into something that she had no control over.” I let a soft sigh leave my lips in a hope she will say something.

“We both have an idea of what may have happened to you Jennifer, and that is only because of what we have seen, and what I witnesses happen to Emily.”

“Why did she allow it?” her voice is so weak as she spoke.

“She didn’t allow it Jennifer, she didn’t have any control, she either did it or they would have killed her”

I remember when it all happened when they forced her, she knew they would kill her if she didn’t do as they asked but once they placed a gun against my head, in effect threating both our lives, it was then she allowed them to do anything they wanted to. She loves and feels with every fibre of her being. Every sense honed into protecting those she cares about.

“We can’t change the past Jennifer, but what we can do is help everyone heal from it. Nothing in this world is easy, each day Emily hides the real her away. Each day she tries to give back to humanity through her job, through helping people, she has done more good than bad,”

The sobs seem to die down as she turns her body as her eyes fall on me. I can see the pain and the uncertainty held in them, as though she is looking for a lie, but wanting some truth so she has someone to blame for what has happened to her, and that is understandable.

She needs a reason for why this has happened to her, way she was taken, why they made her into this being. She was a normal child and it was stripped away from her. But yet as I look into pale blue orbs I see a fire a passion filled with kindness and confusion.

“Emily blames herself for everything Jennifer, what they did to all those innocent people and even what has happened to you, though she didn’t do this to you Jennifer, she has an idea of what those people did to you, and it hurts us both. Let her help you Jennifer” I give her a kind smile before falling silent.

“How can you help me? Can you change me and make me normal again, stop the voices in my head, stop the pain I feel because of other people? How can either of you help with that?” her voice is a whisper but I can feel the pain and anger in each word she speaks.

“Emily can help you block the voices, and as for making you normal” I can’t help the sad smile that ghosts my lips, “I doubt anyone can change that Jennifer, but if you allow us to help. Allow us to teach you things to help you deal with what you feel and hear, and then you will be able to lead a normal life. You will always be special and the gifts you have, will always be a part of you. But you can either allow them to control you or you can take control of them.” I give her a warm smile.

I can understand why Emily needed to do this and, as I look deep into her pale blue orbs I know she has made the correct discussion not only for herself but for Jennifer as well.

“Why do you hide your thoughts?” I give her a smile before I speak.

“It isn’t so much hiding them, it is more about not hurting Emily, being able to communicate rather than her hearing what I am thinking or feeling, there is no reason for her to see in my mind.”

“Why would you hurt her?” I cannot help but chuckle slightly

“You hear the voices and you feel their pain and anger?” I ask even though I know the answer. “Would you allow someone you loved or cared about to feel the pain and hurt you have inside? Or would you protect them by shielding your thoughts?” I allow her to think for a moment, she nods at me slightly.

“Jennifer, I blame myself for everything that has happened, why should I allow Emily to feel that, it will only add to her guilt and her pain. Sometimes we do things not to keep them out but to protect them.”

I watch as she frowns slightly as though she is working out what it is I am trying to say to her.

“Why do you blame yourself?”

I chuckle slightly, much like a child she seems to want to question everything, I cannot help but run my hand gently against her cheek, though I am slightly amazed when she leans into the touch, sometimes showing a little affection can do more good than any words.

“I blame myself because if I hadn’t have asked her to join the CIA no one would have found out about her, but yet at the same time I am glad and grateful for everything that has happened to her and to us.” I cannot help but chuckle slightly, and I can see the confusion in her eyes.

“If none of that had happened Jennifer you would still be in that asylum, Emily's life would be so different, everything we go through everything that has happened has led us to this point.” I watch as she nods at me.

“What happened to you?” she asks me so innocently though I cannot help the sad smile and the pang of hurt I feel inside.

“I was in a car accident,” she nods at me as though she knows I do not want to talk about it.

“Do you think you are ready to come back downstairs?” she shakes her head at me but yet she leans into my touch more.

“Can I just” her voice falters slightly as her eyes become down cast as though what she is thinking may cause her to be in trouble.

“Just what Jennifer?” I push her carefully.

Though now she will not even look at me, but as I read her body langue I cannot help but smile. I move slightly, just enough to level my chair against the bed. I move myself so I am now sitting on the bed; I look at her with a soft smile.

“Come here Jennifer,” I say softly as I pat my lap gently.

She looks at me with slight uncertainty, I place the cushion on my lap, as her eyes meet mine, and I can see the worry held deep in her pale blue orbs.

“It’s okay” I let out in a whisper as I pat the cushion.

I cannot help the smile, which ghosts my lips as her head falls into my lap and I am now running my fingers through her soft golden locks. We stay this way for a while, I know she is taking comfort and that is what she needs. Comfort, to feel wanted and needed, not having people use her, a child’s mind trapped inside an adult’s body.

In addition, this is where the healing starts not just for Jennifer but for Emily as well.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so no one gets confused this is still through Amy's perspective.

I can feel the steady breathing for her as she lies with her head in my lap; I know Emily will be worrying since I have been up here so long. Though I cannot move nor do I want to move right now. The mothering side of me wants Jennifer to feel safe and I just pray she understands that neither of us are going to hurt her. I hope I have gotten through to her but yet I am unsure if she has listened fully to what I have said, I guess time will tell, as I continue to run my fingers through her hair.

I can’t help thinking back to the first time I met Emily, I watched on as she listen to the lecture, her eyes solely focused on what was being said. It was in that moment I wanted to get to know her, her eyes seemed to hold so much inside as though she yearned to be wanted excepted but yet I could see the walls which she hid behind.

I was already working for the CIA when we met, I had been given the assignment to find new recruits, to find young minds which we could mould into what we wanted, though part of it played on my mind it was my job. I had been with them for six years, six years in a job I loved and despised at the same time.

Though getting to know Emily wasn’t about the job it was about her, the more time I spent with her the more I wanted to know her. She was and is still special even after all these years, I was the one that brought her to the CIA, and I was the one who knew how different she was to anyone else. We had started dating before she joined the CIA; part of me feels like I tricked her. I brought her so much pain, but yet she took it all in her stride as though nothing and no one could hurt her. Though I knew it had hurt her mentally.

I run my fingers through Jennifer's hair.

“Do you feel like coming back downstairs?” I ask in a sort of hope she is willing to trust me and Emily.

I can’t help the smile which takes over my lips as she nods and begins to move.

“Is she mad?”

I look at her slightly puzzled before I realise what she is referring to.

“No sweetheart she isn’t mad, and she won’t hurt you. I promise”

I am grateful when she nods against me. I wait for her to lift her head giving her a soft smile before I move back to my chair; I give her a soft smile.

“Would you like to come down in the elevator or would you prefer the stairs” I can’t help giving her a soft smile as I watch the play of thoughts behind her eyes.

I can’t help the smile that takes over me as she keeps herself as close as possible to me as she follows me to the elevator. We make our way down and as the doors open I can feel panic and worry I can’t help but frown slightly. The worry I feel I can understand, but the panic Emily doesn’t really panic unless something is totally out of her control.

We make our way into the lounge I can feel the grip Jennifer now has on my top as I watch slightly amused at Emily who is pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace.

“Emily?” I say softly pulling her attention and making her stop the obsessive pacing before she wears holes in the carpet.

She looks at me as though something has put the fear of god in her. Jennifer is still stood behind me; I can’t help the internal sigh, as my body relaxes slightly. Her eyes meet mine, before they fall onto Jennifer’s; I can feel her tremble at the side of me. I give her hand a reassuring squeeze before making my way in fully.

“What’s wrong Emily” I say firmly.

It is like looking at a wild animal which wants to bolt, but scared of bolting at the same time, it isn’t a look I am use to seeing in Emily. I can see the fear in her eyes and that worries me more than anything.

“Emily?” I ask in a question, I look up towards Jennifer I give her a soft smile.

“Can you put the kettle on for us please Jennifer” I give her a soft smile as her grip slackens.

“What’s going on Emily?” I ask again.

I look deeply into swirling chocolate eyes, eyes which are now searching the blank doorway, I move in slowly making my way to where Emily is, I can feel the panic more than anything now, though it is also covered with fear.

“Garcia” Emily whispered slightly.

I can only groan internally knowing what may be happing.

“She's on her way here” Emily's eyes are slightly wide as she speaks. “I couldn’t stop her” I can only nod.

I know full well that Garcia is a force to be reckoned with and once the blonde tech had something in her sights there was little anyone could do to stop her. The one good thing about Garcia is she hasn’t got a bad bone in her body; her mind is always filled with happiness, though worry sets in sometimes. Many nights she has turned up at our home while the team is on a case. The pictures which have filled her screen haunted her more than most. She hurt for the victims, she hurt for the unsubs as she would delve into their broken past. Or the sheer anger she had felt when a child had become a victim.

“I guess we need to warn Jennifer” I said as I rolled my eyes slightly.

“Don’t be too hard on her Amy, she’s worried” Emily said softly to me.

I know she is right Garcia worries so deeply about us all, but she worries about Emily the most. They all know how guarded she is, how closed off she has become. They have seen aside to her no one should ever have seen. Though the Emily I know and love, no matter how many walls she places inside her. No matter how much she hides herself from the team, to me she is an open book a book filled with so much hurt, so much confusion even after all this time. But when we are alone when there are no ears to hear us, she is the most sensitive person ever. The cases hurt her so much the victims tear at her soul, her mind hurts for what has happened to cause the unsubs to snap but she also can never forgive anyone for hurting an innocent person.

“I will go and let Jennifer know” I say softly.

“Is she,” Emily's eyes plead with mine as though she can’t ask the question but at the same time wanting answers, her eyes speak so many volumes to me.

I give her a soft smile as I take hold of her hand placing my lips on her hand. “She doesn't hate you Emily, she is just scared” I keep my voice firm as I speak. She gives me a slight nod.

I make my way into the kitchen I watch as Jennifer plays with the cups as though she has never made a brew before, either that or she is waiting to get shouted at. Ki clear my throat as I enter fully.

“You may want to pull another cup down Jennifer” I can only give her an amused smile as she looks at me totally confused.

“But there’s only three of us?” she replies her voice laced with confusion.

“You are correct there is only three of us for now.” I give her a pointed look. “A friend of ours is on her way over, I promise you Jennifer she won’t hurt you,”

I watch as her eyes widen I move closer reaching out to grab her hand to calm her, I watch as the panic fills her whole body, her eyes meet with mine as I look softly at her.

“Shh, sweetheart, no one is going to hurt you” I say gently.

Though I may want to kick Garcia's arse, when she finally arrives. I can feel her tremble as I gently tug on her hand pulling her attention back on to me. I motion her to sit on the nearby stool, but I can tell by the way her body is sitting her on a stool isn’t the best idea, she needs to feel safe and right now I know she doesn’t.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will switch between both Emily's and Amy’s perspective.

The gently knocking on the door pulls my attention, I haven’t seen or heard JJ since Amy disappeared into the kitchen. I want so much to ignore the tapping on the door, but I know if I don’t answer it the person on the other side will be more worried, her voice seemed slightly panicked as she spoke to me on the phone. I know how much she cares how much she worries about us all. More so since the accident though these days I am unsure if that is the real reason she worries so much.

The death of Jordan and our unborn child had broken me; I spent more nights making friends with a bottle of whiskey than talking, so much anger held inside. So much hate towards Morgan. But yet I hated myself more, more than anyone would ever know.

I daren’t poke my head into the kitchen as I make my way down the hallway, Garcia can sometimes act like a hurricane bursting through the house, and her energy is so hyper that it can make your mind spin. But yet there isn’t a bad bone in her body, she cries for the victims she hurts so much because of what we see when we are out in the field, but yet no matter how bad the case or how much we have had our hearts ripped out, the joyfulness that comes from her lifts our spirits even when facing the most horrible situations. There is just something about Garcia that seems to heal us all.

I slowly open the door giving her a soft smile. “Come on in” I say softly.

“Where is Amy?” she asks and I can see the fear held in her eyes, the worry comes off her in waves.

“She is with Jennifer in the kitchen” I give her an amused look as she walks in; I gently grip her arm stopping her mid step. “Calm down Pen, they are both fine”

I give her a soft smile anything to just settle her down slightly.

“You’ve left her alone with Amy!” her voice slightly panicked

I lift my hand to stop her. “Just stop Garcia; do you really think I would leave her alone if I thought for one moment that Jennifer would hurt her?”

I now glare at her slightly though I think I am more shocked that she thinks I would allow Amy to be in danger. She seems to relax as I shake my head. I know Amy is not best pleased she is coming and if I am truthful I am not either, Jennifer is so raw right now, so confused and in more pain than anyone can imagine I guess the only thing I am grateful for is the fact that Garcia couldn’t even hurt a beetle if she tired. I motioned her towards the lounge mainly to give Amy a change to settle Jennifer some more.

I hear Amy clearing her throat as I give her a soft smile, I am not surprised that Jennifer isn’t there next to her but what I am feeling off Amy makes me shudder inside.

“Emily, can you give Jennifer a hand please”

I can only nod at the request I rest my hand on her shoulder as I make my way out of the lounge. I make my way into the kitchen to see Jennifer stirring the drinks. I clear my throat so I don’t startle her too much. She turns and looks straight at me I can only give her a soft smile.

“I’m sorry” Jennifer says so softly that I almost missed it.

I walk further into the kitchen. “You have nothing to be sorry for Jennifer.”

* * *

 

“I thought I told you that once Jennifer had settled in fully we would invite you round, what part of that did you not understand Garcia?” I cannot help the firmness in my voice but right now I am angry.

“I was worried about you both” I can hear the slight worry in her voice.

I cannot help but soften my voice, I should have known Garcia would do this, and I should have remembered how worried she can become. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind the concern and I never mind the team turning up at our house. But right now I have a very frightened woman in our home and this could be too much for her. I know though Garcia would never hurt anyone but that isn’t the point.

“She isn’t settled in Garcia, she is both emotionally and physically scared of everything, do you not think one of us would have gotten hold of the team if we thought for a moment we were in danger? Do you not trust Emily or myself?”

She looks at me and I can see the hurt in her eyes as I speak but the moment she knock on our door I was so mad at her and I wonder if it was us she didn’t trust or if she really thought Jennifer would hurt us. In truth I thought it might have been Morgan to turn up at our door checking we were all alright but instead it was Garcia.

“Last time you had visitors it didn’t work out too well did it. You both got hurt and no one knew!” I cannot help closing my eyes as she speaks.

I smile slightly before I speak. “That was different and you know it Garcia,”

I hear Emily clear her throat behind me I turn smiling softly as I turn Emily has the cups in her hand and Jennifer seems to be glued behind Emily's body. I know Emily is talking to her trying to keep Jennifer calm. Emily always has a look about her when she is communicating with someone. It use to annoy me when she held a private conversation with someone but right now I know why she is doing it and I also know she is trying to shield her mind from the onset of question Garcia has swirling in her mind.

They both stand in the doorway Emily raises her eyebrow slightly before she speaks.

“Garcia I would like you to meet Jennifer, Jennifer this is Garcia”

I move to take hold of the cups Emily has in her hand. “It’s okay” I whisper looking at Jennifer,

I know she trust me more than Emily right now. Emily is the source of her fear, the source of her pain in her mind.

“Hi” Garcia says her voice is slightly calmer now which I am grateful for.

Jennifer stay quite behind Emily, I get the slight impression she doesn’t know what she is meant to do, I can see her sizing up Garcia waiting for her to hurt her.

“Hi”

Her voice is so soft and holds a slight tremble to it, I pass Garcia her cup of coffee as Emily makes her way further into the room. I take hold of Jennifer's hand, one to settle her some more and also to give her some comfort.

The afternoon seems to fly by and before any of us realise it is going up for 8pm. Jennifer had settled more though she is glued to my side, her body has relaxed so much that she is managing to talk to Garcia without her voice trembling.

“Would you like me to order some takeout sweetheart?” Emily asks me I smile as I nod.

“Pizza again?” I ask her, she nods back at me.

“Are you staying for something to eat Pen?” Emily asks as she stands up.

She gives Jennifer a soft smile and gains a nod in response.

“Jennifer, will you be okay if I go and get us all a fresh drink?” I know this may worry her, but the way her and Garcia are talking I doubt she will mind. She casts a slightly worried glance at me though she seems to settle down again as she nods.

I make my way into the kitchen to find Emily on the phone. I miss so much being able to walk up behind her wrapping my arms around her waist my head resting on her shoulder, to say it hurts is putting it mildly. I also know Emily misses it as well though I know she will never admit it. Instead all I am able to do right now is wrapping my arm around her hips pulling her down on to my lap so she can gain comfort off me.

I will never tell Emily how much I detest the wheelchair, or how much I hate not being able to walk, to hold her, unable to make love to her but yet she stands by me because she loves me and I know how much she loves me, I can see it in her eyes, how she is with me. I also know how worried she was when she found out about the crash. I also know how much it hurts her that we lost our child. But yet I also know she will never admit it, she will never tell me how much pain she is truly in. I can tell but I will never allow her to see that part I will never allow her to feel it.

“Those two seem to be getting along” I say softly as she hangs up the phone.

“Garcia really is unable to hurt a fly, nice to see Jennifer relaxed with another person,” Emily says as she places a soft kiss on my cheek. “I love you so much darling” she whispers in my ear as I pull her closer to my body anything to get and gain comfort off her.

“I love you too” I bring my hand up to her cheek turning her head so I am able to catch her lips pulling her into a soft kiss. “Don’t you ever forget that Emily” she nods against me before she pulls back slightly.

We leave Jennifer and Garcia alone so we can talk, “Garcia is worried we might get hurt again” I say softly still keeping my arms wrapped around her.

“I think that worry may have past now” Emily replies giving me a slight smirk. “Do you think she would be able to handle the rest of the team though?” Emily asks softly.

“We can’t keep them away for ever. Though you and Morgan may want to sort things out first she doesn’t need that tension” I feel her shrug against me slightly. “Why can’t you forgive him sweetheart” I whisper softly in her ear.

I know this is the wrong time to try and have this conversation but I also need her to voice. I can feel her body slump against me slightly and I know it is because she can’t say the words she can’t say the real reason for not being able to forgive him.

“Because,” I watch as she stumbles over her words, I can see the pain held in her eyes. “I can’t” she stops for a moment and I give her a soft kind smile.

“It’s okay Emily” I say softly.

“I blame myself” it comes out in a rushed breath, I run my fingers through her darkened locks.

“None of this was your fault Emily; you need to stop blaming yourself”


	16. Chapter 16

We stayed in the kitchen allowing Garcia and Jennifer to talk, it was nice maybe despite everything she had been through in the past that she would be able to trust another human being someone that couldn’t hurt a fly without feeling guilty about it, everything with Garcia was calm, hyper and caring. Although my full attention was now on Emily, I could see the tears welling in her eyes ready to brim over and it is this moment this very second I wish I could hold her properly, giving her the strength and protection she desperately needs but I can’t my legs no longer abide my command they no longer react to my emotions, the best I can do these days is to pull her onto my lap wrap my arms around her and give her comfort.

“Morgan blames himself as well Emily, but yet you are blaming yourself for something you had no control over, something you couldn’t have controlled. If it hadn’t of been me with him it would have been you” I say softly.

I hear her scoff slightly as I speak and I know what she is thinking because I have thought it many times. If it had been Emily in the crash she would have healed by now.

“Darling if you had been in that car” I sigh slightly “They would have found out your secret” I say softly as my finger brushes away the tears which are now falling.

“I wish I could heal you” Emily says to me sadly. “I wish there was something I could do to fix all this Amy”

My heart breaks for her, ever since we met she has done everything in her power to keep me out of harm’s way, anything to protect me.

“I know you do darling, but I’m getting there slowly everything just takes time” I reply, I can’t help the sadness which laces my voice as I speak, because in truth it isn’t fast enough.

I wait until I feel her body relax against me, I close my eyes slightly as I rest my head against hers. “I have never blame him Emily because it wasn’t his fault and you need to understand that, you can’t protect everyone” I place my lips against her temple as I speak. “You miss each other and that hurts more than anything darling, you two were so close it was like watching to siblings, he has always had your back Emily and he still does you just have to find a way of forgiving him and yourself.”

I hear her sigh slightly as she begins to move. “I know you're right Amy, I just”

I give her a soft kiss “I know my sweet girl, I know”

We make our way back in the front room and I can’t help the slight laugh that escapes my lips as Jennifer is looking at the phone so intensely as though she has never seen one before and I might even agree with that statement.

“What on earth are you doing” I say my voice highly amused

“She has pictures on her phone” Jennifer says her voice full of bewilderment.

“I’m showing her the rest of our little family” Garcia says as she looks at us both.

Emily chuckled slightly “You can meet them whenever you’re ready Jennifer” Emily says softly.

I watch as Jennifer swallows hard he eyes seem to bore into Emily's soul as though she is searching for some type of answer and yet the question has never been asked. We are pulled from our thoughts as the bell rings.

“I’ll get it” Emily says as she picks up her purse from the table.

“They can’t wait to meet you Jennifer” Garcia says a little too brightly for me.

“Will they hurt me?” Jennifer asks just as Emily walked back in the room holding the pizza boxes.

“Who the team?” Emily asks as she just caught the back end of the conversation.

I watch as Jennifer nods, Emily gives her a cheeky smile before she speaks.

“Nope they won’t hurt you, you may though end up with a headache” Emily mused as I watch her place the boxes on the table. “Do you think you’re ready for that?” Emily asks.

I watch on in amusement as Jennifer looks at Garcia, “Will you be there?” she asks her voice trembled slightly

“Of course gumdrop” I chuckle as Garcia speaks. “They are our family” she smiled brightly.

“Help yourselves to the food” Emily said before she joined me allowing Jennifer and Garcia some more privacy.

“You don’t think” I don’t even get the words out before Emily starts laughing

“Hell no” she says as her arms wrap around me. “Don’t even go there darling” she now muses at me.

The evening carried on it was nice to see Jennifer laughing, Emily fully relaxed for once and I can only watch on as I see the development of a very strong friendship happening before my eyes. Sometimes an outsider can do more good than anyone else and watching them both I can see it unfolding before me. Maybe this was all she truly needed to feel wanted and accepted by someone else.


	17. Chapter 17

A few days had passed since Garcia had been around Emily had gone back to work allowing me to be alone with Jennifer; it still amazed me how comfortable she had now become, Garcia would call around after she had finished work. The sound of my phone ringing pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Hey sweetheart” I say I can’t help the smile that graces my lips. Emily would always ring to tell me she was coming home or they had to go on a case.

“Hey darling” I can hear an unsteady tone in her voice as she replies.

“What’s wrong?” I can’t help but ask I know that tone I have heard it so many times. Uncertainty.

“You don’t mind if I go out” she asks me, I can’t help but frown Emily isn’t one to ask my permission to go out.

“Why would I mind?” I say softly

“Just making sure, Garcia is on her way as well” Emily mumbled slightly.

“That’s fine sweetheart, I will see you when you get home” I reply softly.

“I love you Amy” I can’t help the smile that graces my lips.

“I love you too” I close my eyes as she cuts the call.

Jennifer is stood in the doorway watching me I could feel her before I even turned around.

“Is everything okay?” she asks me and I can hear the worry in her voice.

I smile softly as I reply, “Emily is going to be late and Garcia is on her way round,” I muse slightly

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes as JJ flushes slightly. “Is she staying for something to eat?” Jennifer asks me as she makes her way fully into the kitchen.

“I don’t know, you will have to ask her” she frowns at me slightly.

“Do you mind her coming here so often?”

“No not at all, why do you ask?” I can see the slight power play going on in her mind and it amuses me more than anything.

“You and Emily are used to quiet and” she pauses slightly and I can tell at this moment what she is worrying about.

“Jennifer the team are always welcome here, they don’t normally call this often but I can assure you it isn’t a problem” I say firmly.

“Are the rest of the team like her?” I chuckle slightly.

“She is one of a kind Jennifer, the rest of the team are kind and caring.” I smile softly. “Why don’t you ask Garcia when she gets here,” she nods at me as I turn to put the kettle on.

As though on time the doorbell rings just as I finish pouring the drinks out, Jennifer seems to be addicted now to the taste of coffee much like everyone on the team. I make my way to the door opening it; my smile fails as I look at a very worried Garcia

“What’s wrong Penelope?” I ask as I motion her inside.

“Emily and Morgan have gone out together” my eyes widen slightly but at the same time I am happy but I can understand her worry, those two together have ended in tears so many times.

“Where?” I ask I can’t help the slight sigh escaping my lips.

“Something about a bar” I close my eyes slightly before I close the door behind her.

“They will be fine maybe it is just what they need, they miss each other so much Penelope” I say softly as we walk into the kitchen.

“Do you ever think things will go back to normal with those two?” she asks.

I can’t help but shrug because in truth I doubt it but so many times has Emily surprised me. “Only time will tell that, I hope so but until Emily forgives herself” I shake my head slightly. “You have to understand how much this has crushed her” I say softly.

“She wasn’t in the accident you were. Morgan, Jordan and you were not Emily.” She says firmly.

“I am aware of that, but you need to understand something, she lost her best friend, our unborn child and she nearly lost me. You all think Emily is as hard as nails and that nothing affects her, well it does, she can’t talk to anyone she needs to deal with it in her own way. Granted her way isn’t necessarily the right way but it is the only way she knows how to deal with things.” I sigh slightly

“Yes Morgan was speeding, both Jordan and myself had asked him to slow down, none of us knew we were going to be hit by another driver, Morgan can handle a vehicle at high speed we all know that, but Emily feels guilty, she blames herself for it” I grumble slightly.

“He was only speeding because Emily had been shot” I can’t help the half laugh that escapes my lips.

“Hence the guilt, in her mind if she hadn’t have been shot none of this would have happened, so you can ponder over that, she isn’t indestructible she is dealing the only way she knows how to, push everyone away and take her temper out on the one person she truly needs.” I raise my eyebrow slightly.

“She needs you Amy.” Garcia mumbled at me.

“She needs her partner more” the voice shocked me slightly as I turned to look at Jennifer.

“How do you” Garcia mumbled again.

“Her eyes say it every time you mention his name” I can only give her a soft smile. The one person that doesn’t fully know Emily and the only person that has never seen or met the team knows something that not one of the profilers can see.

“She’s angry at him because she needs him and she doesn’t know how to say it” Jennifer said softly as she made her way over to me.

“Tell me about them” she asks looking straight at Garcia.

I can see the puzzled look on her face “She wants to know about the team” I say softly.

The grin that took over Garcia's faced amused me her eyes seemed to dance causing me to chuckle slightly.

“I thought you could just read our minds?” Garcia asked still she held a puzzled look

I took hold of Jennifer’s hand giving it a slight squeeze “I can, but it’s rude, Emily has helped me control it and so has Amy,” she mumbled and I could tell how unsure she was now of the question she asked.

“Please” she asks again.

Garcia smiled brightly now as she looked intently at Jennifer. “There are six members on the team, Morgan, Reid, Rossi, Hotch Emily and myself. There was seven but as you know Jordan past away” Jennifer nodded slightly.

“Hotch is the unit chief, he comes across stoic as though nothing gets to him, but he is very loyal and he cares deeply about his team. Rossi” Garcia chuckled. “He returned to the team a few years ago he was in retirement but after another member of the team left Strauss asked him to re-join the team, he is caring and kind he looks out for everyone on the team they are both the older members of the team.” Garcia paused slightly.

“Reid is the youngest member of the team, he is a genius and has a photographic memory both Emily and Morgan look out for him, though Emily understands him better than most he is also a bit of a geek” I can’t help laughing slightly.

“They are both geeks” I point out causing Garcia to laugh.

“Yep Emily and Reid make a good pair” she says with a chuckle. “You see Emily is on the same wave length so to speak, she understands how Reid’s mind works better than anyone else,”

“Morgan is like the protective big brother of them all, though both Emily and Morgan are as stubborn as each other, if anyone is in trouble it is normally one of those two. They both like breaking down downs and taking the unsubs down.”

“Emily, well things affect her but she doesn’t let on much, there have only been a few times we have seen her temper and the guarded emotions she keeps tightly inside. If it involves children both of them burn the candles at both ends but for some reason it gets to Emily more. Like you say her eyes tell you things that she won’t voice. But in all they are caring and kind and I know they all would like to meet you” Garcia said softly.

I can’t help looking at Jennifer, I can see the cogs turning in her mind, “What is it Jennifer?” I ask softly.

“Can I meet them?” I give her a soft smile

“Are you sure?” I watch as she nods.

“You will be there?” she asks looking directly at me.

“Of course I will be, I don’t think we have had a family barque in a long while.”

Garcia chuckled slightly, “Feels like it’s been forever, are we sure that Morgan and Emily can be trusted in the same room though” I can see the worry now on Garcia's face.

I nod slightly, “I am sure they will behave and if not I will just have to deal with them at work” I reply.

“What exactly do you do Amy?” I chuckle slightly I had been waiting for the question for the past few days.

“Before my accident I was member of the BAU, there are three teams Hotch has one team, Davis runs the other team and I use to run the third team, we rotated the shifts, so when one team came back from a case the other stepped up to handle the others, one team always stayed back if the two teams were in the field” I smile slightly.

“What do you do now?” Jennifer asks softly.

“Now I run the crimes against children’s unit, also I run seminar, but right now I am on leave so I can have more intense therapy” I smile slightly.

The time seemed to get away from us all before I noticed it was close to 9pm and not one of us had eaten, I hadn’t heard off Emily since she rang telling me she was going out, I couldn’t help being slightly concern but I also had to trust her and trust Morgan, I had to believe something good would come out of their time together.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate doing this but I need to switch back to Emily for part of this chapter... I will let you know when I switch back to Amy...

It had been a long day I glanced slightly too where Morgan was sitting and there it was that pang, that niggling feeling. Hurt. Although it isn’t just my pain it is his as well, his eyes meet mine for a moment before he redirects his attention. I had placed this steel wall in front of us, I had placed it there due to pain anger and loss. Not just the loss of my best friend but the loss of our child. If I hadn’t got shot, if I hadn’t nearly died none of this would have happened.

I shake the thoughts from my head as I really look at Morgan, the bravo he had has slipped away, and his shoulders aren’t as high as they once were. His voice is slightly softer.

“Derek” I say pulling his attention slightly.

His eyes meet mine, so much hurt in those chocolate coated eyes, he looks lost, just like I feel lost.

“Yes” his voice wary.

“Can,” I take a deep breath “we talk” I give him a slight smile hoping he won’t run in the opposite direction and who could blame him if he did.

“About?” he asks carefully.

“Us” my voice falls slightly to a whisper “Please” I hold his eyes in my own.

This isn’t me giving him an olive branch, no this is me wanting to fix our broken relationship. I miss him.

“Another sparring match?” his voice hold an unease to it and who could blame him.

I can’t blame him one little bit, “No,” I say firmly. “Bar, my treat. I will even buy you dinner” I give him a slight smile hoping he will say yes.

He gives a slight nod “Alone?” he asks me

“Alone, I will let Amy know I won’t be home till late”

“Okay”

I either imagined it but I honestly think his shoulders slightly straightened out. I placed the phone call, not really explaining myself other than going out. The last thing I wanted was for her to worry. I needed to do this. I need to do this.

“The usual place?” I ask placing my phone away.

“Haven’t been there since” his voice lowers I can only nod.

“Would you rather go someplace else?” I ask.

This isn’t about me this isn’t about him, this is about us and our friendship.

“Usual place” he says with a slight smile.

It isn’t long before we are both walking into the bar, the look on the manager’s face says everything as he greets us both a little too brightly.

“It is so lovely to see you both, would you like your usual drink? A menu as well?” he asks us.

I look at Morgan trying to hold back the laugh I have deep in my throat.

“Drinks and a menu would be fine” Morgan says clamly.

“Well, if I didn’t know any better I’d say he missed us” I say lightly.

“Or our spending habits”

We both fall silent again as he comes back over with our drinks and menu.

“How can he remember what we drink?” I shake my head slightly.

We fall silent neither of us willing to speak, neither of us knowing what to say. Olive branch is what Amy said, give him an olive branch. I can’t give him an olive branch, I need my friend back.

“I’ve missed you” I say softly.

“Ditto”

His reply is careful as though he doesn’t trust me fully and I can’t blame him. I have been horrible to him over the months since all this happened.

“I don’t blame you” I say I can’t hold his eyes any longer too much hurt.

“Could have fooled me Emily?”

I shake my head slightly, “I blame myself” I look at him sadly. “If I hadn’t have gotten shot, if I hadn’t of nearly died, then Jordan would still be here, Amy would still be able to walk and we would have been blessed with a child”

His hand reaches out to mine as I speak our fingers interlocking, I try to stop the tears that are welling in my eyes.

He shakes his head as he squeezes my fingers. “It was no one’s fault Emily. Well it was the other drivers fault but it was an accident no one could have stopped it. I tried Emily, every night I have played it over in my mind so many different times so many different ways and the outcome is always the same.” I nod slightly as he spoke, I could feel every emotion in his voice.

* * *

**Back to Amy**

I could see Garcia becoming more unsettled as the evening dragged on, neither of us had heard off Emily or Morgan, it was both a good sign or we were going to get a phone call off the police and that was the last thing any of us needed. Jennifer seemed to be glued to Garcia's side, I could only watch on, as they seemed to be lost in their own world it warmed both mine and Emily's heart. If Jennifer could at least learn to trust another it would help her grow so much more.

I seemed to drift off not so much asleep but in to my own little world, a world where I was able to walk again, it was a place I drifted to so many times and more so after the past few weeks, everything was just falling together perfectly.

I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard keys jiggle outside, mumbled voices the handle being played with. I couldn’t help rolling my eyes, when would that woman learn that we don’t lock the door while we are still awake and the fact that Garcia is still here.

“Do you want me to go Amy?” Garcia asks me I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“If in ten minutes she hasn’t worked out that the door is unlocked then yes” I couldn’t help but muse as Jennifer chuckled.

“Someone’s with her” Jennifer said in a low voice.

I couldn’t help the sigh which escaped me, part of me hoped they had both worked through things or at least began to heal slightly. Emily's heart was like a fortress once hurt it was hard for her to forgive let alone allow someone close again, I could only hope and pray she was able and willing to forgive.

I couldn’t help the chuckle as the door hit the wall “She worked it out”

Another thud could be heard followed by mumbling and then the door slamming again. I wince slightly as the noise echoes around the room.

“It’s a good job we don’t have neighbours Emily” I say as her and Morgan walk in arm in arm.

“Is missis you” she slurred at me.

“Oh boy” I chuckle watching them both, “Jennifer can you go and put the kettle on and Garcia can you give her a hand please”

I wait till they both leave, I close the door slightly as I look at them both. “How much have you had to drink?” I ask them both.

“The manager missed us” Emily beams

“Oh boy, you two haven’t been fighting?” I ask carefully.

“Only over the bill” Emily says.

I close my eyes slightly, yes I wanted them to sort everything out, but to be drunk with Jennifer is one thing bringing a drunk Derek Morgan who has a distaste for mutants isn’t the greatest idea she has had drunk let alone sober.

“Morgan” I say carefully. “I want no trouble you upset Jennifer, and you will have me to deal with” I give him a pointed look.

“Yes ma’am”

This is going to be a long night.


	19. Chapter 19

I don’t know which part is easier to get my head round, the fact that Morgan and Emily are in the same round messing around like children, or the fact that they are drunk. Emily hasn’t been drunk since we buried Jordan. And yet it pulls on my heart strings even more, two people that love each other, that act more like brother and sister. I shake my head as I watch them.

“Do you think everything will go back to normal?”

I turn looking at a still worried Garcia, I give her a slight smile but at the same time I shake my head. “I doubt it, but they are healing and that is all anyone can ask for right now.” I motion her out of the room allowing those two to torment each other some more.

I smile slightly as Jennifer places the cups on the kitchen table. “Thank you”

“I’ve made Emily one, but I don’t know what he drinks.” She said quietly.

I can’t help giving her a soft smile. “They will both be asleep soon” I look at Garcia. “Will you be alright getting him home?” I ask.

“Of course I will, he is extremely easy when he’s drunk” I can’t help the laugh as I try not to spit my coffee out, instead I swallow and begin to cough.

“Amy Prentiss I didn’t mean it like that” Garcia gave me a pointed look. “Besides he isn’t exactly my type” she jokes.

I nod slightly, even I find it hard to believe sometimes, if you see them at work, they doing nothing but tease and flirt with each other. It’s that bad even Emily has told them to find a room just so they got it out of their system. Yes that didn’t go down the way she had planned but she tried, only person that could get away with something like that.

“You do know that none of us believe that right?” I can’t help but tease her slightly.

“I know, trust me I know” Garcia said in a slight huff.

“She still trying to play matchmaker?” I ask carefully.

“Not for a long time, will you be okay getting Emily upstairs?”

I smile slightly. “I will be fine, plus I am quite sure Jennifer will help be if needs be.” Jennifer nods slightly as I speak. “See I will be fine, you get him home before he falls asleep” I chuckle slightly as Garcia glares at me slightly.

I make my way back into the front room, only to find Emily wrapped up in Morgan's arms, I shake my head as I clear my throat slightly. “Can I have my wife back?” I ask.

“Nope she’s all mine” I can’t help the laugh that comes out.

“Does she know that?”

“Nope not yet, but she is still all mine. I love her” he grins at me.

“Oh boy” I whisper slightly. “You need to” I am not even sure I want to finish what I am about to say. “If it was any other time Derek I would quite happily leave you both there, but now it’s that time” I say trying not to sound so amused.

“Why? Jennifer? Or because of Emily?” I frown slightly.

“We haven’t got the room right now for you and Garcia to stay over, and what do you mean because of Emily?” I glare slightly at him.

He seems to pull her closer, giving a slight shrug before he speaks. “Two mutants in one house”

“What on earth” I stutter out slightly. How did he know? Was he yanking my chain or does he truly know about Emily.

“I’ve known for years” he smirks at me.

“Oh god” I whisper.

“I still love her” he says with sum amusement in his voice.

“I thought you” I can’t even get my words out. How did she not know? How on earth did Emily not see that he knew? I can’t help thinking he is going to hurt her now like some many other people.

“Hated them?” he says with ease.

There was me thinking he had, had way too much to drink. I nod holding his eyes in my own.

“I do, the ones that cause harm. The ones that don’t” he shrugs as he places a kiss on her head. “Like this one,” he smiles at me. “How could anyone hate her, I’d rather have her covering my ass than anyone else.”

“Does she” I am completely lost for words.

“Nope she has no clue, I know she respects us all enough not to look into our thoughts, although my question is. Is Jennifer as harmless as this one?”

“Yes, although right now not so harmless. Morgan please.” I can’t help the begging tone in my voice. I just can’t have her hurt anymore, she is so broken, so lost, and I can’t allow anyone else to add to it”

“Will she hurt Emily or yourself?” he asks me I can hear the protectiveness in his voice.

“No, she won’t hurt anyone, not on purpose. She is still learning to control her abilities” I can’t help the worried tone in my voice.

“Will she be able to help us with,” he pauses “We have managed to hold him,” he chuckles slightly. “Child images were found on his computer”

“Please tell me you legally found those images and not by the way I am thinking”

Seriously, I can’t deal with this right now, I know he is drunk he is letting out more information than ever. Why didn’t he say? Why didn’t he try and pull her up? Is he scared of her and just won’t say it or does he truly love and care about her. I am so torn, part of me wants Emily away from him, and so I can protect her from whatever may happen the other part knows how much they care about each other. I really wish I could read minds.

“They were” he says as he smirks at me slightly.

“I’ll take him home”

The sound of her voice made me jump slightly. I look up at her as her hand rests on my shoulder. “He loves her Amy, stop worrying” she whispers to me slightly.

I can’t help resting my hand against my face as I watch Garcia help Morgan to the front door, he was so unsteady on his feet. “Can you manage?” I can’t help but ask even though I wouldn’t be much use to either of them.

“We are fine, I promise” she mumbles as I watch her fiddle with the lock.

“It’s open” I say with a sigh.

“Oh, well don’t forget to lock up after me then” I hear the amused tone in her voice.

I can’t help the thoughts that are now racing in my mind. Did they all know? Was it just Morgan? Did Garcia also know the truth? This could open a can of worms that none of us want to face. I watch as she curls up the cushion wrapped in her arms pulling it closer, she looks so peaceful. I just wish it was a constance.

“Amy” I smile slightly as I look up at her.

“I think she may be sleeping on the couch tonight” I say softly.

“I made you a fresh coffee” I nod slightly, my mind racing slightly.

“Thank you” I close my eyes. What were we thinking?

I make my way back into the kitchen after watching her a little while longer.

“What is it they want me to do?” she asks as I take a sip of my drink.

“They have been working on a case, not Emily's team at first, another team stumbled across a serial killer while they were on another case. They lost the evidence, everything gone, he won’t talk. He won’t even tell us is there are more victims. They need a confession out of him, they need the dumpsites as we call them. They want to bring peace to these families and so far he hasn’t said a word not even asked for a lawyer.”

Her eyes haven’t left me as I spoke it is as though she is drowning in my eyes.

“Will he be able to hurt me?”

“No, he will be restrained and Emily would be in the room while Morgan stays outside watching you both, it’s a known protocol” I give her a slight smile.

“I’ll do it” I look at her.

“Are you sure you're ready for something like this? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, no one will think any less of you Jennifer”

“Why can’t Emily do it? I thought she was the same as me?”

I smile slightly “She is like you, she just doesn’t have the ability to make them talk without seriously hurting them” she frowns at me. “Emily's abilities are the same as yours, but hers are a lot stronger and even if she tried not to hurt him there is a severe danger she could give him brain damage, and then no one will get justice.” Her eyes seem to be glaring at me now.

“And I won’t hurt him?” I smile slightly.

“No, the strength you have with your abilities don’t grow with age because you were born human, if you was born a mutant then they wouldn’t risk it. If he were to become brain damaged no matter how small he would be able to walk free and there would be nothing we could do about it.”

I close my eyes slightly. “Are you tired?” I chuckle slightly at the question.

“No, not really, would you like me to make you a drink so you can get some sleep, I will stop down here for a while, and hopefully Emily will wake soon.”

“If you don’t mind?”

I see the cheeky grin she has as she speaks. She is coming out of her shell slowly, maybe she is just what this team needs.

“Not at all” I say moving to the other side of the kitchen.

“Will she be okay?” the question puzzles me slightly. “Derek?”

I should have known, “She will be fine.” well maybe not fine, but to everyone aside from me she’ll be fine.

I had bid JJ good night before making my way back into the lounge, I run my fingers gently down her face moving the stray strands of hair that have fallen over her eyes.

“Oh Emily, what are we going to do baby” I can’t help whisper.

I am sort concerned about Morgan, so worried that he will hurt her, and I doubt anyone will be able to calm the fear I have building up inside me. Was he the only one that knew? I know Reid knows partly but the rest of the team? Have they all been living hiding the fact they know about her gifts. I am not sure which is worse. The fact that he knows or the fact that he hasn’t said anything to her.

She doesn’t know that someone else loves her for the person she truly is and not just the mask.


	20. Chapter 20

It had been awhile since I had gone the whole night without sleep, but how could I settle knowing when I know? My mind keeps playing it, when did he find out? How did he find out? Would he hurt her? I need answers, I need answers before I work out if I should tell Emily or not. I guess what I am trying to work out is if I should lie to her or not.

Just that one lie could destroy our relationship though, but ripping her heart out, damn It why did he have to say anything, could he have not just kept his mouth shut instead of giving me so much information that I don’t know what to do with it. He is her best friend, her partner. Does he truly have her back and why after all this time am I suddenly doubting him.

Having the rug ripped from underneath you. Is the saying I am using today. My fingers are still playing with her hair, I love the sunrise it peaks through the curtains slightly causing her hair to shin a little colour. She is my world, my everything.

“Mmm” I hear her mummer as she starts to stir.

“Hey” I let out in a whisper, my fingers still playing with her hair.

“Love you”

I smile slightly as I lean over my lips meeting her cheek, I trail my lips up towards her ear “I love you more” I whisper.

“Cruel” she mumbles but I can hear the lightness in her voice.

I place one last kiss on her cheek before retreating into the kitchen to make us both a coffee, I get so frustrated with myself, so annoyed. I pinch the bridge of my nose trying to calm my thoughts. Frustrated because of this damn chair, annoyed because the only contact I can feel is her kiss on my lips. No sleep, worry, not just because of Morgan but because Jennifer wants to help. Yep the two of them outside and in the FBI where two people know the truth. Why!

“Amy?”

Her voice made me jump slightly. “Hey”

“What’s wrong?” I swallow slightly as I try and hide myself slightly.

“Just thinking darling that’s all”

“You're not just thinking sweetheart” her hands drape other my shoulders. I seriously think I may just be having a pity party right now.

“Nothing to worry about, I promise.” My head leans on to her arm in a hope she keeps it there. I can hear the soft sigh as I speak.

My lips touch her skin slightly. “How’s your head this morning?” I ask changing the subject.

“My head is fine, my back on the other hand not so great.”

I laugh slightly. “That is what happens when you sleep on the couch”

I turn to look at her. “You haven’t slept” I can see the slight frown lines on her forehead.

“No, we need to talk” I give her a slight smile.

“About?” there is caution in her voice.

“Jennifer” I smile slightly. “She knows what you all need help with” I say softly.

“Oh” I give a slightly chuckle.

“She wants to do it Emily” her eyes go wide slightly. “I have told her you will be in that room with her and Morgan will be watching.

“What else?” I shake my head slightly.

“I need a shower and I also need to go to my office at work for some files” there it is the first lie.

Yes a lie but this is for the best right now, what is the point of upsetting her if I don’t need to? I need to speak to him, I need to know before I even talk to Emily before I place this spanner in, loosening all the bolts that hold her together. It only takes one slight push and she will come undone. One push and no one sees that. Her heart is the most fragile thing about her.

“Are you coming in with me?”

“No, I’ll go in once I am dressed, you need to wait for Jennifer and prepare her for this” I say softly as she helps me out of the shower.

This is what humiliates me, this is the one thing I despise more than anything, her having to care for me like I am a child. Although this is the only real time I need help, but it also the reason I cannot bring myself to make love to her.

“Okay so we will see you once we come back?” I nod slightly

“Yes, I won’t be that long” she nods.

“Therapy?”

“Yes,” I hear her sigh slightly.

“What is it?” I ask. She turns away from me slightly. “Emily?”

“I wish I could heal you” I smile softly at her.

“I know my sweet girl, but the risks aren’t worth it.”

“Doesn’t stop me wishing” her voice light and soft.

“I know that feeling, but there is some improvements, but as I keep getting told roman wasn’t built in a day” my hand reaches her entwining our fingers, “I love you Emily, we’ve come this far, we can go further” I muse slightly.

“I know” she smiles softly at me, “Let me help you,” her lips touch my dampened hair.

“Right I’ll see you both when you get back home later.” I look at Jennifer who seems to be trying to hide behind Emily. “You’ll be fine Jennifer, I promise Emily won’t allow anything to happen to you” I say firmly before heading out the door.

My mind is still racing by the time I get to headquarters, I know that the team will already be in as I make my way up to their floor, my old bullpen. It is bittersweet in a sense, I love coming here the bullpen is always buzzing and I get to see my old team, my friends or should I say family. But it also hurts, it hurts because I have lost this. I didn’t just lose the use of my legs but I lost my team, the job I love so much.

My eyes search for the person I want, I smile slightly as I hear Reid talking about Dr Who and Morgan looks bewildered and slightly pained by it. I wonder just how long he had been talking. He seems to know I am here, I see him swallow slightly as our eyes meet.

“Morgan,” my voice firm, “we need to talk” I watch as he nods. “I’ll be in my office,” I say before turning around and heading out the double doors.

My office isn’t that far away from the BAU just a few hundred yards down the corridor. I gather my thoughts slightly as the soft knock is heard, the door opens slightly as Morgan enters, he looks like a naughty schoolboy coming into the principal’s office.

“Amy, before you say anything I won’t hurt her” he says as soon as the door is closed.

I eye him up slightly “How can I be sure?”

“Have I hurt her yet? In the 7yrs we have known each other have I hurt her?”

I shake my head slightly.

“How long have you known?”

“Around five years” I watch as he shrugs slightly.

“How?”

“Cyrus, those bruises disappeared way too fast, no scars.” His words come with ease. “And then I did a little research” he admitted.

I couldn’t help my eyes going slightly wide. Did he know everything?

“Why have you never told her?” I know stupid question really isn’t it.

“Didn’t think I needed to” he smiles at me.

“Five years Morgan, five years and you haven’t” I shake my head slightly.

“There was no point, plus aside from the kid who else needs to know?” he cocks his brow at me slightly. “I am her partner Amy, I love her like she is my sister, so why would I make her panic? Make her worry that everyone else will find out? I couldn’t do that to her, no matter what, even through all this Amy. I have had every chance to hurt her, just like she has hurt me. But I won’t, I will never hurt her like that.” His eyes lock with mine with every word he says, I can see the love in those eyes when he speaks.

“She needs to know Morgan” I say firmly.

“I knew you’d say that” he smirks slightly at me “I’d rather I wasn’t there when you told her though.” I nod slightly. “Amy I will never tell anyone, her secret is safe with me”

I raise my eyebrow slightly. “You promise me Morgan”

He smiles “I promise I won’t hurt her, and I promise no one will ever hear it from me.” I nod slightly.

“She should be in with Jennifer soon.”

“You’re sure she is just like my princess? Harmless?”

I snigger slightly, “You do know Emily isn’t 100% harmless” I cock my eyebrow slightly. “But yes she is harmless, scared of being here, but Emily will take care of her”

He gives me a slight nod “Is that everything?” I give him a slight smile.

“They will be here soon, look after them both please” he nods before heading back out the door.

Now I could only pray that everything would work out for the best.

“Will the rest of the team be there?” Jennifer asks me as we set off.

“Just Morgan, myself and him” she gives me a little smile.

“You really hate them don’t you?”

I nod “Yes,” I sigh slightly. “"People are damaged and you either get through it, and can come out the other side better and stronger or you blame the world for everything by taking your anger out on other people. But children" I close my eyes slightly. “A child is innocent, I know victims are all innocent, but children. They can’t fight for themselves”

“I understand” she gives me a slight smile as my hand touches the door.

“So you ready for this?”

“You won’t leave me?”

I wrap my fingers around her hand holding it tight. “I won’t leave you I promise”

We make our way into the lobby, where I stop to get a visitors badge, I smile again. You wouldn’t believe how much focus and how much energy it takes too help Jennifer shield herself from the on slough of people. Their thoughts, good, bad and everything else in-between, I am going to have a headache later, I just hope we have enough pain killers at home. The doors to the elevator opens and I am grateful that it is empty, as I hit the button to take us both to the BAU.

“Are you okay?”

I give a warm smile. “I am, just remember I won’t let anything happen, we just him to admit what he has done and to give us the details of where he buried the children. Even if he just gives us that information, we will be able to arrest him for the murders.”

“So the gravesites are the most important thing?”

I smile slightly “a confession would be better, but yes if that is all you are able to get off them that is fine.”

With that we make our way down to the interview rooms. “Oh boy” I mutter slightly.

Jennifer tenses, I give her hand a gentle squeeze, the hurried clipping of shoes on the hard floor made me chuckle. People didn’t often come to this area, there is nothing but interview rooms. Although Morgan had promised to make sure no one was around. So the clipping of heels only meant one thing.

“Jennifer, how are you?” her voice so bubbly and soft at the same time.

“Doing okay, how did you”

“Security cameras” I muse slightly. “I should have known you’d be watching for us to arrive.”

“Of course two of my favourite people just walked up a hallway and one of those people won’t come and see me after you’ve done with that in there.”

I smile even I can hear the disgust in her voice as she speaks. “She isn’t allowed in that part of the building yet” I can’t help but wink. “And besides this is going to take a lot out of her.”

I give a slightly pointed look, half of me hoped Amy had called Garcia telling her not to call tonight. I knew after this I would be drained and more or less sleep the rest of the day and night and Jennifer, well I know no matter what I do she is going to have a head ache and be as drained as me by the time we leave here.

“Well my sweats, my hunk of a man will be here soon, I will see you tomorrow night Jennifer, if that’s okay. And I’ll see you in the morning missy”

“That you will” I reply softly.

I motion Jennifer into the interrogation room although we just stand looking in through the glass.

“Can he see us?”

I smile. “No, this is where Morgan will be, he can watch us without being seen. When we go in this” I point to the window. “Is a big mirror” she nods at me.

“Morgan will bring him through that door, his handcuffs will stay on and they will be fastened to the table, which is fixed to the ground. That only furniture you are able to move are the chairs.”

I watch as the door handle moves, I give her a gentle squeeze again just as he is brought in. “You know your rights?” Morgan says harshly.

“I told you I don’t need one,” he sneered slightly.

“He’s vile” I chuckle slightly.

“That he is Jennifer. Are you sure you want to do this, we can turn around and go home if”

She cuts me off slightly. “No, its fine. I want to do this”

“Okay,” I watch as Morgan secures him to the table. “You remember what I said, I won’t be able to block you from him” I say before Morgan makes his way over to us.

“Yes, let’s do this”

I think her voice is now the firmness I’ve heard, so much fire and passion, maybe, just maybe she’ll join our little team after this. I can pray right?

“All yours princess” Morgan says as he opens the door.

“Thanks.”

His hand rests gently on my shoulder. “You're sure she’s up to this?”

“I am, plus I know you’ve got my back” I smirk slightly

“Always”

And with that we make our way into the room. I am surprised though I can sense the nerves, she isn’t frightened which is a good sign. I take my seat waiting for Jennifer to settle next to me before I speak to him.

“Mr Murray, you understand why you are here?” I ask firmly.

“You lot seem to think I killed some kids, dumped their bodies, and now you're trying to make other charges stick” he spat out at us.

“Those other charges will stick Mr Murray, just like the murder charges are going to stick.”

“I didn’t kill anyone, you lot are just looking for someone to pin it on, you got the wrong guy, and if you think for one second I will admit. You’re more stupid than I think”

“You left a paper trail, bills belonging to you, were found inside one child’s throat, another victim had a letter from the bank. Each victim had an item that only you would have access too. No one else Mr Murray.”

He chuckles slightly. “And were is all this lovely evidence that you have? From what I believe it got, missed placed, so you in fact have nothing on me anymore other than what you believe you found, and some dead bodies.” He shrugs.

It means nothing to him even the fact that these children were would bother someone. But not him he just doesn’t care, he has no problem with them being dead.

“I just want to know, is there any more bodies?”

A sly grin graces his lips, sick twisted. “I wouldn’t know” there was a cockiness to his words.

I give Jennifer a gentle tug. This is her dance now, I’ll keep him talking while she plays inside his mind. His shallow mind full of pictures and details that no one should see. I’ve seen them, I’ve felt what he is and knowing all this I am still putting Jennifer through it. But it is for the greater good.

“I will ask you again. Are there any more bodies.” My voice seems firmer than before, but that may have something to do with trying to protect Jennifer slightly.

“I don’t know.” He sneered slightly. “You won’t find them” he muttered slightly.

“Won’t find who Mr Murray?”

“Stop trying to trick me” he paused slightly. “So many little boys”

This is too easy but the unfortunate thing is, it may be easy but it also takes time, it is going to be a long day.

“Where are they?”

“I heard their little bones break, oh that sound, that sound is music” he rambled slightly.

“Where did you bury them?” I ask, pulling his attention slightly.

“I didn’t bury anyone, like I said you have got the wrong guy.” He sneered again. “Such beautiful blonde haired boys, so small, mmm”

It is sick that while doing this we have to listen to his sick fantasy, he’s having a front row seat playing it over and over again in his mind. While Jennifer and myself, get the scene laid out in front of us, it is enough to make you sick. And that is what I am helping Jennifer with. The urge to throw up. The urge to run out of the room, helping her keep all these emotions bottled up.

“They liked it,” he smiled slightly, “I didn’t hurt them”

“Their dead,” I point out slightly, “So you did hurt them Mr Murray.”

“Oh no, they didn’t feel that part.” He mused, a sick smile coated his lips as he spoke.

“How many?”

“How many what?” he asked

“How many children?” we had been dancing around for the past forty-five minutes. I was becoming drained and Jennifer was hanging on by a thread.

“I lost count” I closed my eyes slightly.

“Where did you bury them?” maybe if we can get a dump site, or even if it’s a couple of different areas we can tear them apart and bring them home to their loved ones.

“Well now, so many different areas, so many beautiful sites.” He laughs slightly. “It’s hard to keep track of where you put them all, but Mmm I do love to reminisce about it, I love to look at where I placed them over and over again.”

To anyone else that sounded like a ramble, nothing helpful at all. Aside from his laptop, the pictures of children, my heart pounded in my chest did we have what we needed all this time? Where the children. No I need to stop thinking like that and I know Morgan will be getting Garcia to check for us, since I know he will be thinking the exact same thing as me.

“We’re done” I say firmly. “He can go back to his cell,”

“You can’t keep me here I’ve done nothing wrong.” He called out just as two agents walked in the room.

“You and I both know you have, we have it on camera and once we find those children, you will have wished you’d made a deal” I sneer at him slightly, the disgust showing firmly in my voice.

Jennifer stayed close once the door had been closed I wrap my arms around her tightly. “Thank you” I whisper my lips pressing gently on her head.

“Can we go home?” her voice is so raw, so thick with emotion. I could hear the tears in her voice as she spoke.

“Yes, we can go home.”

The door opens slightly as Morgan walks in. “I’ll take you home Prentiss”

I shake my head slightly. “We will be fine.”

“Amy’s orders” he says cocking his eyebrow.

* * *

 

It had been a few days since the interview, the confession. Jennifer had stayed silent for the most part, the team was due over today. Although Morgan and Garcia had been spending a lot of time with us both the past couple of days. It was nice, just like old time. We were healing, it had taken me so long to get here, so long to forgive myself for everything that has happened. I just hope we can move forward now, as a family as a team, and with Jennifer standing with us as we comfort victims, hunt killers. The most important this is we will do all this as a family, as one unit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where I will leave it. Although it isn't over I will be doing a sequel at some point. And if there is enough interest I will do a prequel.


End file.
